恵みで

Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.


It's been almost a week, well, it'll be a week that I've been back in the United States on Wednesday, but in this small amount of time I've managed to catch a cold and become sick of sitting in my house, start work again, and of course have some sort of epiphany. I worry sometimes that I think about things so deeply so often, when it may not even be as deep as I think haha. Maybe I just have a small mind, which could definitely be true. And that's not a bad thing - I'm feeble and merely human, I could not possibly require a certain mental capacity of myself.

When I was flying home from Japan, the plane flew right over the city of San Francisco. SF has been in my heart since I got home. I miss all my friends from City Cru, I miss the city, I miss just the sense of urgency of living missionaly every single day. I thought that it was over when I left Japan, then God flew me over the city and filled my heart with love for ever neat little row of houses, the big city, the bright red bridge, and the cloud hovering over SFSU. August, please do come quickly.

I felt so useless and helpless coming home, and depressed because there was no one around me who had shared in the experience of going to Japan and loving on the people there, and not many wanted to listen to every single minute of my three weeks there. I knew it would be this way, but nothing could prepare me for it. But today grace was with me. I walked into work and was able to talk to one of my coworkers, who isn't a believer in Jesus, but has a heart for Japan. He was so encouraged that even the gifts of love that are being given from around the world to Japan are making a huge impact in the areas affected by the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear crisis. I was glad to give him that news.

I am excited to start school again, and begin studying music alongside my Japanese and dance. God has certainly turned my heart back that way. I was feeling rather distant in my relationship with God, simply because I felt I had no words to say (unbelievable you say, I couldn't agree more!!). I was sitting down with my boyfriend listening to his church's band, and I wanted to cry listening to the music. It's the way in which my heart connects with the gospel and understands it. I remember my first Sunday in San Francisco at Reality, singing songs with titles I've long forgotten, but hearing the words spill out of my mouth and feel my heart beat fast like it does when I speak to someone in Japanese and understand their reply to me. My heart understands the gospel in song. My heart understands joy and words that have for years been empty to me, growing up in church, when they are sung and composed beautifully. And just about anything is beautiful to me. I'm not hard to please.

I am just happy. I feel like I'm emerging from a dark, self centered place, and I'm ready to give all of my self to whatever God would put in front of me next. 

帰りましたので悲しい感じがいっぱいはね

I'm back in the United States.

I was told that when you come back from a short term/long term missions trip to a nother country, you tend to feel reverse culture shock, you tend to feel like no one understands you, no one can share in your memories that you are so excited about, no one really cares about your trip, no one understands the weight of your trip, and you feel depressed because it was so much hype getting to it, you've done it, now it's over.

I will concede to the fact that I am feeling most of those things, though not all of them. Yesterday I got way caught up on sleep, sleeping about 20 hours from 3am to 5pm, where did my Thursday go? It's nearly the weekend now, and returning to life slowly has been the plan for my day. I start work tomorrow, I'm glad to see my coworkers again. I'm picking up my souvenirs and sorting my laundry, cleaning my room and throwing out lots of paper haha. All traces of any preparation for my Japan trip are being disposed of and I'm penning my last letters to my wonderful supporters.

This is hard. Being back is really hard. 

帰る

Yesterday I arrived in Tokyo again, and I've got three days of debriefing to do, then I go back to the United States. I am stocking up on omiyage and taking in as much of the sights of Tokyo as I can before I leave. My camera's batteries died and it was not worth it to buy new ones with only three days left of my trip, so I've been able to see everything with my two eyes and store them in my memory. I am going to miss it here in Japan so much. I am going  to miss the warm, sweet air, I am going to miss the cozy winds. I'm going to miss the lights and the quaint allies and the food and the night. I am going to miss everything about Japan.

Today we went to a place called Kichijouji, voted one of the best places to live in Tokyo, Japan. I'm truly in love with this place. The last time I came to Japan, Lalaport was my favorite place, and now I believe I've found a new favorite place. Kichijouji is perfect in everyway, mastering the balance of large shopping stores with sweet little house cafes, apartments and high rises, cobble stone streets, bakeries and technology shops all together neatly aligned, staircases leading down to new worlds of just about anything one can think up in our feeble minds. I have only been in Kichijouji for a day, but I just love it already. Maybe I fall in love too quickly.

Today I also got more information about long term campus ministry in Japan from someone who is finishing up his second year of ministry in Japan before heading to graduate school. It got me thinking, definitely. I feel torn because I want to get through school and have a college degree, but I want to also be in Japan for a long term time doing something that will help others and show God's love. I'm not really sure how to sort my thoughts about it at the moment, there's just so many emotions I feel right now.

Particularly, obviously I'm sad I'm leaving so soon. But I am also extremely grateful that Jesus gave me this opportunity and made everything work out the way it was supposed to and that God did use me to show His love to Japan. I know that His work does not end when I leave, and I'm excited for those who are just arriving in Japan, knowing they will feel the way I do when it's their turn to return home. But I have a message for the churches in the United States, and I'm bringing it back with me from Japan. There are so many people flocking to this country to help because of the tsunami and earthquake and even the radiation issue, but who will stay for the spiritual devastation of Japan? This is why I can't wait to go back, but I know that God has us where we are for a reason all the time. Until I return to my heart's home, I will make sure Japan is not forgotten anymore.

The Girl Worth Fighting For. ♥

While it may seem a little backwards, today I saw the coastline of northern Japan for the first time with my own two eyes. For whatever reason, the idea seeing areas affected particularly by the tsunami had been met with many hesitations, I'm not sure why. But one of the Crash staff who hasn't seen the disaster area himself decided to take our team along the long drive (about five hours) up past Sendai to a place called Ishinomaki, a cove like town with a huge harbor and many homes along the coast. After yesterday, I was hesitant to see more of the devastation in Japan, however, I knew this would be my only chance to see for myself the reason I am even here.

The drive up from Nasu to Ishinomaki was beautiful. I have never seen so much of Japan before. There are countless hills upon hills covered in green life of various stages and textures, from the heavy oak trees and the smooth ivy, to the soft whispering glades of the rice fields. There are houses in every warm color your head could think up, stacked along the hillsides, and high rises and overpasses, small cities within cities and streets that seem to lead to a world of magic. Japan has always been beautiful, I think. And so coming upon Ishinomaki slowly, turning the corner around a lush green hill, I was met with a sight that I'll never forget.

 There was a whole lot of nothing, just about as far as my eyes could see there was nothing. There are mountains of rubble and debris just sitting in piles so high I'd be afraid to climb it. Some places are still flooded, becoming resevoirs of water from the March 11th tsunami. Fences are knocked down, buildings' first stories are completely wiped away. Tables are overturned inside houses, childrens bikes and toys are strewn across the sidewalks.

I've seen pictures in the news, I've read stories, I've even watched videos of the aftermath of March 11th, 2011. But to come and see it with my own eyes felt surreal, and I felt an emotion I'd never expected to feel.

Tohoku University's Marine Science Building
stands hollow as everything has been washed
away on the inside.

I felt angry. Why did God let this happen?

As I walked around slowly taking in the sights, my heart just sunk deep into my stomach and my eyes welled up with tears that just wouldn't fall. My guess is I have somehow been desensitized to all of this, but when I think about it closely and carefully, my heart can find itself again, and I can pray for Japan in a way completely different than before.

I could pray before almost blindly saying, "God is good." and it's not that I don't believe that anymore, I will always believe that God is good. But I had to struggle and say these same words in faith, knowing the truth, but having to teach my heart again that my God is a God of Love.

A broken soup bowl.

After seeing all of this, I wish I could stay here longer, or start these past two weeks all over again and just work even harder than I did these past two weeks. I wish I could go and visit more refugees or speak to more people in Nasu and love on everyone the way that Christ would. 

I don't want to leave Japan. Something is just telling me it's time to though, and when I return home, I do have a mission in mind. As compelled as I already am for Christ in Japan, to see the devastation of the tsunami first hand has just ripped my heart to pieces. More people, more Christians need to come and see this, and have their hearts broken for the most unreached country in the world today. In the United States it's very easy to be desensitized to disaster, because it always happens to everyone else and hardly ever to us (not to gloss over the tornadoes in the midwest or Katrina at all!) and so we don't grasp disaster beyond a weeks worth of news reports, pictures, dramatic music and some kind of closure that comes by just not hearing about the disaster any more. If anyone has even the slightest amount of love for Japan, they need to come and see places like Ishinomaki. Then the phrase "Pray for Japan" will have a completely new meaning for all of us. I know the saying is becoming newer and newer to me even as I type this. We will pray for Japan a prayer unlike any other. 

空気を読めない

Today I went to Fukushima.

In Fukushima there are many trees, green rolling hills, rice fields and waterfalls, parks, sports, schools, mom&pop restraunts, soba noodles, lots of things. There are two main evacuation centers in Fukushima as well, one of them being Azuchi. Azuchi is surrounded by a sports park where baseball teams can have games, as high school baseball is very popular in Japan.

When I first stepped out of the car in Fukushima, I realized how beautiful Fukushima is. It is one of the most gorgeous places I have seen in my time in Japan. Yet there is unrest in the silence. People are not happy, and those tensions and feelings can be felt especially in Azuchi. With one day of Kokoro no Care training under my belt, I went in with a team of 20 other people to go and give hand massages to the refugees in Azuchi, and listen to whatever they would like to share with me.

Going in to this, I was extremely nervous, and unsure of myself, because I did not know what exactly to expect. With each step towards the evacuation center, my heart was pounding, and all I could do was ask God to turn the heaving of my heart into waves of compassion. When we walked into the evacuation center, it  looked like any usual hotel would, with an information desk, a lobby, a giant television, and a performer singing enka. Many people were gathered in this kind of common room listening to this manin an bright silver glittering jacket as his voice resonated throughout the hall.

We went up the stairs, and I saw what people had described to me as the cardboard houses Japanese people had begun to make as their stay in the evacuation center because something more long term. All of my imaginations and all of the things I had heard aside, I found myself in shock. There before me where rows and rows of literal cardboard cubicles covered with sheets. Some had welcome mats in front of the perferated "doors" and others had small fake plants hung along the sheets of walls. Here nearly 1,000 displaced people had created a home for themselves as best they could. My eyes watered.

We were met with many different kinds of feelings. In Azuchi, there is much tension and sharing a hand massage or a conversation with people is very difficult because the stage of the disaster is a time when morale is low. There was a man who got angry with my partner because he was trying to sleep and did not want us to bother him. Others were more polite, but expressed they would rather be alone than talk. We were met with many different kinds of feelings today, and my own feelings were getting so mixed up, by lunch time I wasn't sure if I could go another three hours in the evacuation center.

The walls in the center are covered in artwork, many children's projects and donated artwork, many of them saying, "Ganbare Nihon, Ganbare Tohoku, Ganbare Fukushima!" and such. I have heard that people have taken the phrase "ganbare" and taken it to the extreme of never ever showing weakness, and that we can say if we feel it is okay that maybe people in the evacuation center are being too hard on themselves, or it is okay if they don't do their best today, it is okay for them to cry. We will cry with them.

I was invited into three people's homes today.

An ojiisan sitting alone away from a group of people gathered at a table, in the confines of his space in the center. He spoke with an accent my partner and I had a hard time understanding. Someone told me many evacuees have Fukushima-ben or a Fukushima accent. The ojiisan had a lot to say about the center, and he told us about how temporary housing was not as great as it looked, and he thinks it is better to stay in the evacuation center. I met his wife, and gave her a hand massage. She was fragile and small, but beautiful nonetheless. They said many things as though they had not many options as to where the rest of their life would be spent, and their faces seemed tired from stress.

An obaachan sitting alone in her space closed in partially by some sheets, hunched over on her bed. Her name is Masako. She has a daughter with a cleft lip, whose name I was not told. Masako-san is 94 years old, her daughter is 72, they share a space in the evacuation center. Masako-san also had an accent, and she was unable to understand my Tokyo accent, so we got along well not understanding each other. But as Masako-san spoke, I listened carefully to her feelings she expressed to me after the earthquake and having to leave her home. Nani mo dekinen she said constantly ( I can't do anything), expressing how she felt. My heart hurt for her, I read her Psalm 23. She showed me her hobby of making paper dolls and origami, she gave me so much of the things she made. I wrote her name down on the paper crane she gave me, showing me that she had one identical to it, so we are connected and I will never forget her. My partner and I gave her and her daughter small windmills from the United States. I left her Psalm 23.

An obaachan watching her grandson's pet beetle (kobuto mushi). She has worked on a farm for many years, and I was able to have a conversation with her about working on farm from my 3 day experience at A.R.I. She is aware of the trouble farmers are facing, because she has experienced some of these troubles herself. Her daughter is from the Phillipines. She has a beautiful smile.

I was invited into three people's lives today. My gratitude is unspeakable, and my heart is full, boiling over with prayer for them. I know that Jesus loves them, and that He knows the pain they are feeling, I just wish there was more I could do. I could feel Masako's feeling in my heart of "Nani mo dekinai" as she told me her story and how the tsunami took so much away from her. I felt in my heart that I could not do anything for her. I am having to surrender this helplessness to God, and trust that He will provide for these people in Azuchi, not just in material things, but in emotional wealth and spiritual wealth. This is as real as it gets, truly.

I am sorting through my feelings. I currently have none that I can write down. This is as real as it gets. This is not the television, this is not pictures on a screen, heresay, no. This is reality for thousands of Japanese people. And just as unreal as the tsunami and the earthquake felt, so does seeing so many beautiful people displaced feel. It feels like it's not right, like it's not the way the world should be, like it could never happen and yet it has. I am sorting through all of these feelings. It was like...seeing the tsunami crash through the houses on the TV for the first time, but this time it was 10x more shocking, and brought tears to my eyes as we drove home.

I cried going home because I had a home to go back to. A lady asked one of the volunteers to pray that she could just go home. Four months was too long to stay in an evacuation center, she just wanted to go home. And here I am in a bed, not on a cardboard box, in a room with walls and a roof, and plenty of food to eat and surrounded by friends and not strangers, and  there are thousands like the beautiful people I met today who just want to have what I have. It hurts.

トーテム

Ah these past two days have been great looking back on them, but a struggle to get through them. Everyone has been working at the Asian Rural Institute on a farm there that grows organic vegetables and has cows pigs and chickens. The work has been the hardest, but as far as what I had in my suitcase, I was most prepared to work at A.R.I. We weeded lots of rice fields, harvested potatoes, mixed feed for the animals, the tasks go on. I appreciate the lightness of my work in the Crash warehouse even more now aha. But that's a secret. The heat out in A.R.I. was nearly unbearable but by the second day there, everyone was used to it and we worked with our best. We met lots of kind people who welcomed us, even though it was a short time, into their loving community of Christ and servanthood. Everyone there had simply pure hearts of gold, despite the challenges they have had to face since the March 11th earthquake and the nuclear crisis Japan is still dealing with.

A.R.I., as well as many farms in Japan have been affected tremendously by the radiation poisoning. Their crops have been affected because radiation goes down deep into the soil, and while the crops they grow may look alright, they are affected by radiation. Because the long term affects of ingesting even small amounts of radiation are still unkown, farmers across Japan are finding it difficult to continue selling the vegetables they grow or the milk from their cows with a clear concious, even if the Japanese government wants to make lenient rules that make it okay for the farmers to continue selling. Walking around A.R.I., there are many places where the staff there will share with you saying, "There was a crack that crossed the road and went up the wall of this building when the earthquake hit" or "There used to be a stone wall here, and it crumbled down entirely when the earthquake hit". While nuclear radiation may be the highest concern to farmers in Japan, at A.R.I., the devastation they are facing is tangible, as we pull potatoes from the ground, not knowing whether or not they are safe to eat, and even if we think they are now, will we regret it later..?

Please keep A.R.I. in your thoughts and prayers, as well as the farmers of Japan. Nuclear radiation is something that takes years to wear off, and many farmers have lost their livelihood because of the crisis in the Fukushima plant. I pray that they would be able to move forward still, even though they are being asked to leave so much behind, and continue their beautiful lives. And for the concious of the farmers who are still able to use their land, that they would have wisdom and do as best they can, what they feel is right.

I sound juvenile, but I have to be honest and say I never knew just how deep the affects of the nuclear crisis in Japan were, because there are farms everywhere in Tohoku. We drive past at least 20 on the way to A.R.I. every day, and those farms are all going through the same struggles as the farm that A.R.I. has. It's really heartbreaking to see and experience the feeling that all of their hard work may be useless, all of the planting, weeding, harvesting, may be for nothing, and they may have cancer later in their lives. It makes me really sad when I think about these people who I have been able to work with for three short days, that they want to be committed to keeping A.R.I. on it's feet, and are risking their lives in a way I could never do. It's humbling to me and it really makes my heart sad for them.

米の夢

Today was a pretty tough day. Crash staff are going on a retreat, and so the ware house where we usually work is closed for the next three days. So everyone is beginning work at the Asian Rural Institute. At first I wasn't sure what to expect of it, but as the day went on, I am sure that God has us doing work here for a reason. It started in our morning devotions. We read Ephesians 4:26;32. The passage talks about being angry but not sinning and forgiving others as God forgives us. Lately I have been having strange dreams, where I am in an argument with someone, either a family member or a teammate, and I have woken up very disturbed by these dreams and the person that I am in them. When I read this verse today, I felt my heart just beat really fast, and I was just so moved to pray that God would help me to see if I need to forgive someone in my life.

The day went on and was very tiring. Today we harvested potatoes by hand and pulled weeds in a rice field. We harvested potatoes in the middle of the day, and I felt very dizzy and sick with the heat. I am hoping tomorrow will be better for me, maybe that I will be more prepared. The latter part of the day in the rice fields was just beautiful. Akiko, David, and I got to the rice fields, took off our shoes and pulled up our pants and got down into the cool milky field where stalks of rice were growing. With my hands covered in sludge and the sun hiding behind a cloud, a cool breeze blowing through the rice field making the teeny leaves sing,  I thought to myself, "We are encountering a beautiful experience." It was just gorgeous. Very hard work, but gorgeous.

Rice Fields in Nasu at the Asian Rural Institute.

Today everyone got very dirty, so we went to the onsen again. Tomorrow our shift at the Asian Rural Farm begins at 5:00am, so I really should go to sleep. I am so tired haha.

I am seeing the importance lately of really having time with Jesus, please pray that I would be able to make time for this every day, because when there is less of me and more of Jesus, the work that I do becomes more and my spirit is lifted, no matter how I feel. Also please pray for my health, as I have been told I may be prone to heat sickness after only one day at the Asian Rural Institute farm. I want to do my best and be helpful wherever I am at.

心が広い人

These past two days have been a true blur! Yesterday we worked at the Nasu warehouse moving a huge shipment of around 15 tons of food and supplies to Sendai. There were huge trucks and forklifts involved, but I did not have to drive either of them haha. As a young driver under the age of 21 I was placed in charge of shrink wrapping all of the shipment. It was tiring work, but tons of fun. I have never worked with shrink wrap before, but once I got started, I wanted to wrap everything!

Our team has had the opportunity of working with a really great person named Narita-san. He has been volunteering at Crash for about a week, and has been helping us with all of our projects. I have only known him a mere five days, but his character and humble way speaks volumes, and we all know I 

Narita-san in the forklift...and a 10 ton truck.

 can type volumes. Even though he is the elder of the group, he worked the hardest out of all of us, put us young people to shame when it came to physical exertion. He has a huge heart and a wonderful patience for everyone's Japanese, and ridiculous translations of our English conversations. He is gracious, funny, and all around awesome. He's like a crazy uncle to me, I'm sure if I could know him for longer he'd be more like a dad. But Narita-san is leaving Crash, because his volunteer time is up. It was short.

The last thing I told Narita-san was to remember the English phrase "Pedal to the Metal!". We have an old road that leads to the bed and breakfast where the Nasu base is and it is old and full of pot-holes. So for fun Narita-san would drive around fast

I'm shrink wrapping everything in sight!

over the pot-holes if we asked him to, aka if we said, "Narita-san, Pedal to the Metal!" We spent lots of time trying to explain the phrase in Japanese and teach him how to say it himself. I was so happy when he could understand and say it as well. Narita-san is one of the few on this trip who I am able to carry out a full conversation with in Japanese. Though no one has really known each other for long, we find that when we want to talk in Japanese, there is so much we can talk about. Narita-san is full of humble wisdom and is very soft spoken, but has a smile of gold and is a really hard worker. I was mostly impressed by his seemingly tireless work ethic. He's a wonderful person, I'm glad I met him.

This is my team! Dave, Akiko, Micheal, and Narita-san 

After hours of work last night I decided because I did not want to be left home alone that I would venture out to an onsen with the group. What was I thinking? I don't know. But I had a great time, once I got past my own shyness, that is. The onsen is in a hotel just down the street from the Nasu base called Epinard. The onsen usually costs about 1800 yen, but volunteers in Nasu can get in for only 500 yen. Let me tell you, this was an awesome experience for only 500 yen.

The onsen has an indoor and out door ofuro, a sauna, a cool ofuro, fun showers with every kind of face wash you can think of and count on two hands, a room with complimentary hairbrushes, hair dryers, hair treatments, free French massage beds, and of course, a scale to make us all feel better. Rachel, Kelsey, and I kind of stuck together as the foreigners in the room, but once we were in the onsen, we were able to venture out on our own a bit. Being a foreigner in an onsen, I have found, is also a great conversation starter in Japanese. I was able to talk to a kind woman for a little bit, and expressing my embarassment actually made embracing this side of the Japanese culture much easier. Rachel said to me, "You can cross this off your bucket list now." I answered, "It wasn't on my list, but I'll add it and cross it...and come back again."

 

Today we went back to the older warehouse where the many blankets from Germany are located. We had to secure piles of them and put them in plastic bags today. I had the odd opportunity to speak to Curtis this morning, and he is actually across the street from a church that is handmaking blankets like the ones we have and sending them to Japan. Are they the same??

The older warehouse is very old, and there was lots of rain overnight, so we had to wear masks. I've never worn a mask before, so I was pretty excited at the start. The masks do get hot though, but they work very well. Each blanket that we folded to put into a pile of five was so unique and special, different sizes, some textures warmer than others, but all very beautiful. It was like you could feel love having no boundaries folding them. It was hard work to put them all together, but seeing the stacks of blankets ready to go out and bless families in the winter, you get this warm feeling in your heart.

The task didn't take us long, so we helped out around the Nasu base, pulling weeds and cooking dinner. I was able to work with Mrs. Kondo, the kind woman who owns the bed and breakfast that houses the base. We cooked chicken curry rice together. I learned how to chop cabbage like it is chopped in Japanese restaurants, and how to chop vegetables specifically for curry rice. Mrs. Kondo loves to practice her English, but once she found out I'm a Japanese major in college, she quickly reverted to Japanese, being patient with me a long the way as there was much "cooking vocabulary" I didn't understand. I had to thank her for teaching me so well in cooking, and in cooking words.

After dinner, the team got together and we shared about what we have been feeling over the week. This morning I was able to pray with Akiko, and we could pray about anything we wanted. We didn't really ask for requests of each other, we just started in, and soon found ourselves praying for Japan and for the Japanese people. I feel kind of bad saying this, but this is the first time I think I have prayed for Japan with someone else since I've been to Nasu. To turn my gaze outward in prayer was something that felt so much more worth it than any prayer request I could have come up with for myself. But not to say I'm this super humble person who puts others before  myself because that is far from the truth. I turned to Akiko when we had finished praying and said I wish we could do this with the whole team. It's still a wish, but there is time.

At our meeting tonight we started in on talking about evangelism in Japan, why has Christianity in Japan begun to fizzle, is it fizzling, can only Japanese share the gospel with other Japanese, all these frustrations and questions we had. The questions are still rolling around in my head, and I know that peace comes when I look at truth. Yes there are cultural barriers and misconceptions about Christianity and Japanese culture, but God is not phased by any of it. I can sit and try to figure it all out, and I fear that many of my teammates will attempt to do just that, but it's beyond my control. I go back to this time in my life often, but when I went to Reality San Francisco's baptism, seeing all these different people from different walks of life with different stories, and how God reached into their story in His own way and saved their lives, shows me that nothing is impossible for God. In Japan it is the same way.

My prayer for our team is we would be moved to prayer more, prayer together. Not just for our food or our day, or when something goes awry, but that we would be able to come together early and late, any time, and just let our hearts pour out prayers for Japan. I know this team is passionate, let's be passionate. I do hope I'm coming from the right place in my heart.

笑顔と働く！

Today our team began volunteer work in Nasu, Japan. I have to say that before we started working, learning that we were going to be serving in a support area and not a disaster area, there were expressions of  disappointment, even in myself, I have to confess. I had wanted to go to Iwate and Miyagi, Fukushima and Sendai. But we have been placed in Nasu. After today, all of my disappointment is gone away, because the good work we have been given to do must be done, even if it does not look important, it has become important to me. I am glad to be in Nasu, I am very happy to serve Japan here.

We started off at a place called A.R.I (Asian Rural Institute), where there is a huge farm and many gardens where one of the groups would be working. We met with a group of people working there for a morning meeting. The A.R.I. meeting room is a place with high rafters and circle shaped tables with many chairs around them.  We seated ourselves beside old and young, kind-natured and sweet people with dispositions more friendly than I have experienced in a while. We listened to a woman share her heart about friendship and what it means to her. We sang "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" around glasses of cold barley tea.

Afterwards, my team took a short tour of the farm and met a little cow and some roosters. We made our way to the car and were off to lunch before we began work at the warehouse. We began a long drive up a mountain to go eat at an old couple's sweet home. Every Wednesday their home becomes the Concord, and they open a buffet of homemade Japanese food. It's one of those secrets of Nasu. We enjoyed various Japanese delicacies like croquette and umeboshi onigiri. Our lunch was complimented with many glasses of water, and finished with the most delicious espresso I've had in a very long time. This espresso was fantastic, I could truly rave about it. The lovely lady who owns the place was so kind, and her husband was so humble. They enjoyed practicing their English with us and were so gracious as we practiced our Japanese with them. The Concord looked straight out of a dream, in fact, Nasu is just straight out of a dream. It's a place lined with coffee shops and gardens, onsen and beauty all around. I really like it here, in all of it's unfamiliarity.

Those were the last moments we spent in paradise. I was full of energy and zealous joy to get working. I felt good. We had a project to work at two warehouses, moving blankets to the second floor of the first warehouse, and moving boxes of pots and pans from one warehouse to the next. A little bit of information about these simple items we were moving: When we walked into the warehouse, there was rows upon countless rows of handmade blankets, apparently donated to Japan from Germany. Each one was carefully woven with warm threads that will be perfect for the Japanese in the winter. The pots and pans have been donated from the United States, to go to the families who win a lottery to leave the refugee camps and live in temporary housing. My heart was touched to see boxes upon countless boxes of clothes and food and supplies from just about all over the world. So many hearts have put an effort in for Japan. It is so beautiful to see.

We started moving blankets in an assembly line, and soon we began to work quickly, our energy and encouraging spirits keeping each other together. We hardly wanted to take breaks, as a team, I felt we grew together very much in the short 4 hours that we worked. An older man, Narita-san, though he was the oldest among us, gave his very best. He was a true inspiration to me, the way he worked himself so much to be helpful, running and carrying boxes, handing off blankets and never tiring. It was an honor to work with someone with such a big heart. He made me want to do my best even more. As we drove, transporting boxes of pots and pans from one warehouse to the next, I couldn't help but have a huge smile on my face.

For the first time since Sunday, I feel like I am in Japan, and I feel like the realities of the tsunami and earthquake are actually tangible in the air, and I feel like I am helping with the recovery. In the days that we have been briefing, the whole thing has felt either like we are on vacation, or like we hadn't been in Japan at all. But when we started working together, our thoughts truly did turn towards the people who would be receiving these boxes in temporary housing, and receiving these blankets in the  winter. Maybe this all sounds very selfish, but it's hard to explain. And I know that our short hours of work does not make everything alright, but to even do such a small thing, I have deep gratitude. Our team spirit was up nonstop today! I hope this week we can keep this trend going and all do our best, as Japan does her best.

We also cleaned the church behind the place where we are staying, because we worked quickly and had some extra time. Then it was time for a quick shower and dinner - we had some delicious ramen and gyoza at a place called Sozuki. It was nice to sit down to a meal with everyone all together once we had worked for the day. It was like being a part of a family. I am so happy to be here, that's really the thread I feel through this whole day, I am so happy to be serving in Japan, I wish I could be here forever.

Today I continued to read 1Corinthians, and started into chapter 2. 1Corinthians has really been helpful for me to read through while doing missions work. I am learning more and more that it is really only reliance on God that I can do, so that He can work. There is no work that I can do, I can move boxes and I can move blankets, I can clean and wax floors, I can carry things and transport things, but only God can really make any of the things I do productive and true work. Even if I am successful in my efforts, if I do not have the love of Christ on the inside of my heart, it amounts to absolutely nothing. I like what Paul says:

And when I came to you, brethren, I did not come with superiority of speech or of wisdom, proclaiming to you the testimony of God. ² For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. ³ I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, ⁴ and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, ⁵ so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God.

There's really no explanation I could give for this verse that does it justice. I just think about how inadequate I am, and just how that doesn't stop God. How much hope and joy does that bring to my heart. That is the reason I was able to work today with such strength, I believe that is true. I am just happy that even though I lack so much as a person, God makes up for it, and He is faithful and His way is always the best way.

I am excited for tomorrow, working some more. But I am exhausted. I am glad though that God has blessed me with a hot shower and food to eat. Because I am beginning to become aware of the fact that has been staring me in the face for years that not everyone has that. And sometimes it makes me feel shameful, because there is nothing I can do. I want to tell God thank you for these things, but I want to do more. So, for the people who have less electricity they can use or sometimes not hot water, I am thinking of them when I work. Please pray that God's compassion would not be overrun by my tendency to entertain moral obligation or social justice. I just want Jesus, and nothing else. And please pray for strength in our team as we continue our service. Thank you.

ナスに着た！

It is a shocking mere 9pm here in Japan, and the team and I are finally in Nasu. Today we drove about three hours from Tokyo, and once we turned our backs on the Tokyo Tower, I knew I was headed into unfamiliar territories. This is a side of Japan I have truly never seen. There is so much green vegetation out here and small towns made up of mere intersections, darling buildings that are tall and spacious, cafes, hardware stores, and of course, the Nasu Crash Base. We stopped at a rest stop in Sano, and there I was able to indulge in the desire of my stomach's heart: Shoyu Ramen!

There is the delicious Ramen! 

I am so excited. :) 

I can't remember the last time I had Shoyu Ramen, and as always in Japan, I was not disappointed by this ramen either. The mere fact that we can pick this up at a rest stop is phenomenal. The weather in Sano was hot and humid, and somehow I felt cooled down like in the old myth that says if you drink extremely hot tea, then you will cool down in hot weather. Maybe it's not a myth. Hmmm.

We arrived at the Nasu Base, it was tucked away amidst many green bushes and tall green trees, like we were in a real camp. The building we are staying at is a bed and breakfast run by a reverend and his wife, whom we have yet to meet. Today we got a gracious tour of the bed and breakfast, the base, and tomorrow we will see the farm where half of our team will be working.

  

Rachel is happy because the
weather not humid at all here!

We met a great guy named Matt, who will be coordinating our team's work for the next two weeks with CRASH. He showed us around and was able to talk with us for a while about the development of the situation in Japan. Apparently here in Nasu, even though we are 100km away from the Fukushima Daiichi Power Plant, there is major concern about radiation among the Japanese people who live in the area. They don't even allow their children to play out side. Matt shared with us many stories he has heard from people who have been displaced because of the earthquake, tsunami, and radiation issue.

Some of the stories he shared with us about the older people who have worked so hard all of their lives on farms that are now deadly and contaminated was very heart breaking to hear. I feel as though no matter what work I am able to do to help restore Japan in this long time of recovery, I am here to help and I want nothing more than to help. After we had a little more familiarizing with the base, we headed out to see the warehouse where I will be working!

We are excited to see the new warehouse!

Everyone piled into a huge CRASH van and we took off on the very bumpy road out to the tourist-y area of Nasu. Nasu is like a summer get away place, and so there are over 50 onsen (hot springs) and many fun novelty shops and attractions such as the mountains to go to.  The Crash Warehouse is close by all of these things, and not a far drive at all. We were actually able to walk back to the base from there too.

This is the outside of the new warehouse where tons of storage and supplies is kept to be packaged carefully and sent out to Japanese people in need. 

We got to take a look inside the warehouse, it's very warm in there! I am excited to return there tomorrow to begin working and moving things. This base was just built, actually, and if you visit the Crash Japan website, there's even a little article on it's opening. It was a special day for Crash, and for many who want to be a part of the relief efforts in Japan.

 I am truly so excited to begin working. Many of my teammates have shared similar sentiments that our briefing time has been rather extensive, and we want to dive in and do our part as son as we can.

Love on JAPAN! <3

 Hearing this from everyone else, and feeling it on the inside, this sense of anxiousness may or may not be a good thing. I'm hoping that all of our nerves will be able to go towards good works in these next couple of weeks.

We walked back to the base from the warehouse after looking through a gardening store and stopping to take some photos of Nasu City. Nasu is beautiful. It's not beautiful like Yokohama or Tokyo is beautiful though. It's a completely different kind of gorgeous beauty, like you can see God in Nasu. There are endless rice fields and mountains in the hazy distance. There are clear skies, and today we actually had very little humidity. The wind was cool and breathable. In Japanese we say it's "suzushii". Nasu is certainly that way.

We took our time  getting back home. The sun was out and the bright and the wind was cool and there was a smell in the air so beautiful, it was not nostalgic, but new and fresh. I think as I reflect on this, being in Nasu has brought me to a kind of shock. In Yokohama it was like I knew what to expect, but this time is so different. Nevertheless, Japan has proven herself to be magical no matter where I am.

As we walked down the way we ended up passing by a place that sells Rasuku. Rasuku is like a toast, it's very delicious with different flavors. We stepped inside to try some samples, and we bought a bag of delicious maple Rasuku.

 

Our team coordinator, Micheal, got a heart shaped Rasuku out of the box by chance, and there was a small hole inside. He told us a story of a Frenchman who once said that there is a God-shaped hole inside every man's heart that only Jesus can fill, and thus the Rasuku had sentimental value to him. I don't think he has eaten it yet. He put it in a plastic bag to keep, and plans to share the gospel with the Rasuku. It wasn't even a joke, he was really seriously contemplating whether or not to eat it. I told him I would eat it, but I had little success with two Rasuku in my hands already. :)

This morning I read 1Corinthians 1, and verses 17-30 stood out to me a lot. I learned that there is nothing that I can do that will make me competent of carrying out the Gospel to others, or the will of God in my own life. God is all and in all, and He is the one who equips and empowers, by His Spirit, not by my works, or my ability. This is a part of the Gospel - God does not save us because of what we do for Him, He saves us because of His genuine love for us.  In the past few days it has been a pride of mine to be able to understand Japanese well, but I get nervous when I think about communicating with others, and worry that maybe I am not cut out for this project after all. The passage I read in Corinthians today completely erased my insecurities, and filled me with faith, not in myself at all, but completely in the Lord. I just want what He wants to be done and to follow Him as best I can in my service of others.

Tomorrow I will be working at the warehouse, and we are going to be moving boxes of pots and pans from one warehouse to another it looks like. I have heard many times however, that assignments are truly fluid in disaster zones such as this one, and so tomorrow will bring what it will bring, and I will be as ready as I can be.

明日から本当の仕事をはじめます。約束しよう。

A beautiful day in Saitama, the country side of Tokyo, near Higashi-Kurume.

a community garden in higashi-kurume

This morning we all woke up today and headed down toward a place in Tokyo called Mitaka, where the Campus Crusade for Christ Japanese headquarters are. The headquarters are in an oval shaped building with a winding staircase on its side. We made our way up into the high floors of the building and into a small room with straw colored walls, a table, and some pink chairs. There everyone began to pray and praise God, to think on the importance of faith in Christ, and share our hearts and emotions for Japan, surrounding the few months between the tsunami and earthquakes, and us arriving in Japan. This morning we all felt very much more connected to each other. In a deep way we knew something more about each other, and to hear the stories of others and how God has impacted their lives, was amazing. It's really an honor to be working with a team like this one.

After we had spent some time talking, we headed down to lunch. We went to a place called Ootoya, a family style diner located on the second floor of a a building with glass walls on three sides and a cozy but clean atmosphere. The plates we ordered were rather inexpensive, and HUGE! I had soba with chicken katsu, which was absolutely delicious. A typical meal I could have eaten in California, yes, but it doesn't taste the same. I remembered for a moment why returning to the United States was so difficult the first time I went to Japan, partially because the food here is just so amazingly rich and wonderful.

This is our lunch together as a team! Can you see the daikon radish in the far corner?

Once we had finished lunch, we headed out to the CRASH Office in Higashi-Kurume. Finally, the moment we had all really been waiting for. At the CRASH Office, we were able to sit down with the organization that had taken Campus Crusade on to help in projects that will aid in the rebuilding process of the areas affected in Japan by the tsunami and earthquakes. The office is on the corner of a street in Higashi-Kurume, with sliding doors, and a beautiful lobby. Behind the reception desk, there are white boards everywhere with schedules and times and maps and drawings in English and Japanese. In a few rows are volunteers sitting at their own computers working tirelessly to figure out the details of CRASH's mission to serve Japan. Our team headed into a private meeting room and were given details and instructions, guides and lanyards, even some cool bright green buffs to wear on site.

I think that was when it all really hit me. I am a part of something far bigger than myself, even than I could have ever imagined. We looked at a map of Japan and the areas where Crash is doing small projects. It was amazing to see those small acts adding up little by little, beginning to cover the map. Even if the work that we do is small or not so heroic looking, I will be happy to know that I was here to help.

Kelsey and I being "Here to Help"... maybe a little too enthusiastic.

 After our visit to the CRASH office, we were set free! Literally. To go and explore Higashi-Kurume with a map and see what the city was like. Kelsey, Rachel, Renee, and I took the bus out to a place called Qurune, an indoor shopping mall, to get some supplies we need for tomorrow. It was a fun excursion to say the least, and now that we are all good and tired, I can see a good night's rest ahead of me, I hope. Jetlag has been a much talked about issue these past two days and I am hoping that it will wear off sooner rather than later for everyone so we can do our best these next couple of weeks! Gosh, I'm just so excited to be a part of this. I know that on March 11th, I wasn't the only one feeling helpless and wanting to just drop everything and come to Japan. It's amazing to see how God has brought this group together, and I'm excited about His plans for Japan and the small part, but the part nonetheless, that we can play in all of it.

日本に入る時に私はもうすぐ変わった。

I have spent my first night in Japan. The flight over in the morning was, to be honest, truly awkward with my new "Friends" that I made. There are six of us: Kelsey, Rachel, Renee, Dave, Akiko, Michael, and myself. Because of different types of projects some of the individuals in the team will be doing, I spent most of my flight with Kelsey and Renee. We are all the same age. They are both nice, but yesterday was very hard on them, this is their first time in Japan. I'm excited for both of them to see and feel Japan for the first time. I remember when I came to Japan for the first time, it was beautiful, everything was so perfect to me, like it was out of a storybook of fantasy. I am hoping that they can enjoy Japan just as much as I did, if not more. 


The air flight over was fantastic. Korean Air is really something - I can't wait to tell my mom that it was just like the commercials, the flight attendants outfits really are the coolest in the whole world, the food was great, and they just know how to make an 11 hour flight go by quickly. I tried to get some sleep in on the way, but truly I was so excited I could hardly do that. Once we got off the flight, we had some business to do in the airport before heading out through the country side of Tokyo. I had a simple cash exchange to do. I walked up to the counter with my forms and my dollar bills, very nervous, but once the kind attendant behind the counter and I got to talking, my Japanese was comfortable. This is certainly a sign that nearly 4 years of Japanese class is truly paying off! I just have to keep at it, and keep working even while I'm here to be more and more comfortable with my Japanese. kyaaaahhhhh I'm just so excited!!


Kelsey and I took a little tour around Narita airport, and we, of course, had to go and explore the Japanese public restrooms. That sounds weird, but it's not my fault, because those bathrooms are so interesting and strange and have million buttons and levers and pulleys, it looks like an OR, not kidding. I think Kelsey took a picture, I'll have to get that from her. So far, she and I have spent the most time together, and she's really nice. The team is excited because her 20th birthday is next week, and since the 20th birthday is when you become an adult in Japan, we are going to celebrate with her. 


Once we got all of our things together, we headed out in a small van to the country side of Tokyo to get to Saitama and then a little home belonging to a family by the name of Caughlan. The ride out was about 2 hours, but beautiful for every minute. It was like watching a Japanese modern movie, there were people walking on the sidewalks along the lush green rice fields. The color these fields are is literally the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. There were houses and neighborhoods just like in the movies, packed together, but built so lovely with the family names on the front of each house. 


We arrived at the Caughlan house and enjoyed a curry dinner, where we all met Micheal, and a guy named Amos who goes to Westmont. He looked very familiar, actually, so we got to talking about Santa Barbara. The world is so small! Everyone was just so exhausted, I could tell it was hard for anyone to really get any excitement out of the group, but I'm hoping this changes soon, as we all adjust mostly to the time difference and that we can pursue the work put before us with our best. 


This morning I read John 4:1-42, the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. I was well reminded of something so important, not just in missions, but in life, to always see people with love and compassion, the way Jesus saw this woman who was deemed terrible by society. I know that there is nothing of God that I can do just in my own strength or on my own, so those of you who are praying for me, please pray that compassion would be surrounding this team as we work with each other, as we serve others, and as we work alongside others. Please pray that we would be quick to forgive, quick to listen, and eager to walk in love. Pray that our hearts would be set ablaze with the love of God for each other and for those here in Japan whom we have the privilege to serve. 


Happy 4th of July. 

The Night Before

I went to bed last night more excited than ever. I’ve arrived in Los Angeles and today I get on my flight to go to Japan. Last night we had an intense 6 hour briefing with our send off team. Briefing was very helpful in lots of ways, the team I’m on gained more of a sense of what we can expect when we go to Japan, and what will be expected of us. For me this was a relief to go over some of the details, but the fun isn’t taken out of it so quickly, because our entire schedule is rather tentative. Anything could change at any time in a disaster zone. Part of me wants to say, “This is insane!” but another part of me is like, “Yeah, this is great!” I’m in high spirits. 

The people on my team traveled from all over the country to get here. I only had to drive two hours, so I felt kind of bad for them, some of them had extreme jet lag and there wasn’t this excitement in the room at Briefing that I had expected from my other team mates. I tried not to let that get me down though. I’m sure today will be different and now that we all have a night’s rest in us, it will be far easier to get giddy and excited. Well...should I be excited? I’m not sure. I want to be, well within certain bounds, but if no one else is, could I be in error? 

I’m about to head off to the airport, and it’s been quiet all morning long. I think back to when I first started college at SFSU, and expressing how difficult it was for me to make friends. Now I am again in a situation where I don’t know anybody, yet we all have come together as a group for a specific reason. I will do my best to befriend my teammates. I think by the end of this I will have some really great friends. 

Well, it’s only a matter of hours now, I’ll be in JAPAN at 11:00pm California time. I cannot wait to step out onto the platform and see home again. It’s been way too long, Japan. It’s been way too long.