秋になるとwe throw a dinner party

Of the many things that I have a passion for, more and more I am beginning to realize that hosting and cooking for groups of people is certainly one of them. This is why a certain Beach City Girl and I should start our own business. But before I get ahead of myself, the weekend of November 11th finally arrived, and with it came the fun and joy of doing just what my heart desired- I decided to throw a dinner party with my roommates and our friends.


One of the great things about living with international students, is being blessed with their abilities to cook traditional foods from their countries. My housemates Akane and Echo made dumplings traditional to Japan and China, and homemade Chinese fried rice with prawns. Needless to say it was absolutely delicious. Our menu grew with addition of a fall vegetable stew, cornbread, and  pumpkin bread with cream cheese for dessert alongside godly vanilla roasted pears.


We even had our own little table set up for the festive evening.

We must have cooked for hours. It was extremely fun, and something I've always wanted to do since living on campus here at State: Family Dinner. Everyone had big smiles of accomplishment at how great the food both looked at tasted. Our friends from the building beside us also arrived with appetizers. We enjoyed each others company just as hoped, ushering in the fall season.

This was truly a great way to start off the month of November, as the weater is getting cooler and the rain is starting to greet the grey city more frequently. To gather around warm foods filled with comfort in a cozy environment, and enjoy a meal together, this is the meaning of community. And that can be hard to find in the city of San Francisco. Though our meal was early, in a way, we wished each other a happy Thanksgiving in those hours.

Little Glass Jars are my New Obsession. :)

I've found that drinking things out of a small glass jar with ribbon tied around it, is my new favorite thing. With that said, don't tell me, I already know: I need to get out more. But this weekend I've got loads of fun plans since I have a whole day out of classes, and my teachers were gracious to not take advantage of my freedom and assign me extra homework. Today I am tired, I ahve a headache from drinkinga coca-cola too fast and eating potato chips, and I have been sitting in the sun in a cozy sweater, which in case you didn't know, all these things are horrible combinations. Kids, don't try that at home.

But this morning, I woke up, and the phenomenon hit me that I just ought to take my coffee around with me today in a teeny little class jar with a ribbon tied around it. I've seen this done before. Hipsters on their bikes drink their coffee in little glass jars (though usually twice the size of mine), and hipsters walking to class are chugging coffee out of little glass jars, and hipsters=little glass jars you get the point! I am writing about all of this because when I have my home and entertain people from around the world, I want them to enjoy caffe con panna in a little glass jar just as much as I do. Dare I say there's nothing in the world like sitting on your couch's arm, people watching in the crisp morning over a warm cup of coffee and whipped cream in a glass jar, nestled in a cozy sweater.

as Love Grows Tall. &Recipe!

November. Hello. And October, where on earth did you go. This past October was a busy one, and so many wonderful and not so wonderful things happened, I found it difficult to document any of it. For the first time in months my blog has become the wicked step mother looming over my head, as have many other obligations. A little scary. I suppose it's perfect since October is supposed to be a somewhat scary month. This first week of the new month has brought many great things however, like Christmas cups at Starbucks, a new friend who I met in my math is class is now using me as her dream journal via text messages (you should try this with someone, it's scary cool!), daylight savings us upon us, and now it will get darker...later? I'll find out tonight.

There are many more things November has brought me. However, one of the greatest was an accomplishment. November 3rd marked the end of an experiment I did to be Lacto-Ovo Vegetarian for an entire month! Please refresh the page before my ego grows into a tall, green monster. Thank you. I had decided at the beginning of the October month to pursue a Vegetarian diet for a month after doing some in depth research on many different diets for a paper that I had to write in my (pretty terrible) English class. I figured, why not embrace the diet I'm writing six pages about for the month that it will take for the class to write it?

This turned out in my favor, as I discovered many wonderful things, one of them being a recipe my Japanese housemate taught me. It is a simple dish, one that you can make in less than 20 minutes, and is packed full of health benefits and rich flavor. Who knew steamed veggies could be so good. I have eaten this recipe twice already, and I'm going to cook it again for a friend today when she comes over for lunch. The secret ingredient in this recipe is MISO! Akane usually uses this in her meat dishes, so if you're a meat lover, prepare to be amazed that your meat craving is satisfied by the mere taste of miso. It was for me, and I was shocked. So, I give you:

 Suzuki-san's Fall Vegetable Jyagu

Ingredients:

1/2 Yellow Onion

1 bag of Potato Medly or 2 of each: Yellow Potato, Red Potato, Purple Potato

2 Carrots

1 bag of Brussel Sprouts 

1 sprig of Brocolli

Any other Vegetables You'd like - I added a bag of Vegetable Medley with Baby Corn, Red and Yellow Peppers, Watercress, and other delicious stir fry vegetables. 

2 tbsp of Miso Paste

3 cups of Water

In a deep dish pan that will hold all your vegetables chopped up, bring 2 cups of water to a boil. Add miso paste. Let simmer and mix the miso paste in the water until forms a  fairly smooth consistency and bubbles. Add more miso if taste is bland or consistency is too watery. Chop potatoes into quarters, chop carrots, broccoli, and onion. Put potatoes, onions and carrots in first, make sure the onions are on the bottom of the pan to soften. Steam for about 2 minutes. Throw in the rest of your veggies and steam until everything is all the way cooked through (of course). Add an extra cup of water if necessary to steam the heap of vegetables properly. Add some salt and pepper to taste, or any other spices you would like. Take of the heat and stir your vegetables. 

Serve with rice, or eat as a stew. 

I'm overjoyed to have found the simple joys of cooking in a Vegetarian diet. One would be surprised just how many recipes come up when you ask for "Vegetarian" or "Vegan" on websites that I view much to often like www.foodgawker.com (thanks, boyfriend). The possibilities have been wide ranging and endless, any thing I wanted to make or eat, I could this past month.

 I would encourage anyone, if they want to rediscover the joy of cooking, to try cooking Vegetarian for a month. Not only will you learn new and delicious recipes, you'll be doing something great for your health, and you may even get to experience new cultures of the world simply by exploring the food eaten in other countries.

All in all, this was a fantastic experience, and I was hesitant to leave it, but I've got to get back on poultry so I don't die when Thanksgiving rolls around. :)

忙しくて、楽しくて、祈りを出す。part three

Blessings come in more forms than I can count on my two little hands. 

Saturday finally came around, and I was exceedingly excited to finally get to go to a rock concert. I've been restless in the city for a while now, and getting my grunge on with a Japanese band like BORIS sounded like the perfect remedy. I haven't known Boris for a very long time. In fact, I stayed up until three in the morning researching their music one Saturday, and bought the tickets to see them at the Regency Ballroom here in San Francisco the next day. Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not much of an impulse buyer, but this impulsive buy was definitely worth it.

The Regency Ballroom is on Van Ness, one of my favorite streets in the city with some of my favorite sights like City Hall, and the Symphony Hall, to name a few. Once I'd hopped on the bus to get from one side of Van Ness to the next, peeking out the smudgy windows, I felt transported, as I always do on Van Ness, to a world of gold and beauty. A place beyond the United States, that always seems to fill my heart with a sense of wonder.

Once I hopped off the bus into the sparse line of maybe four or five people, I waited in the cold night as the sun began to set, for the doors to open. Once inside, I was filled with a familiar feeling, one I haven't had in a while, that I would always get when I was a teenager, going to rock concerts with my best friend. The feeling, I believe, truly came from the atmosphere of the hall. The lights of the Regency Ballroom were elegant and dim chandeliers, and a vast stage covered in amps and microphones greeted me, carried me across the smooth wood floor to the pit.

I set my bag down, and like the many others who were there, began to wait for the first act to begin. Opening for Boris were Master Musicians of Bukakke, and Tera Melos.

Master Musicians of Bukkake had set the stage first, and it was decked out in ethnic cloths and tapestries that took us to a far away country sitting between Indian land and Arabia. Master Musicians has been called a band that plays Black Metal, Acoustic, or Psychadelic, and while I got those vibes certainly, there was also a very cultural aspect to their music. In low light, they entered shaking bells, their faces covered in turbans and scarves, the vocalist wore a mask that reminded me of a Chinese dragon. He turned to each member as they began the beginning to play thier song "Schism Prism", bowing with his hands placed together in a prayer-like position. He cued up his synthesizer and the audience was swept off our feet to a place we'd certainly never been in our lives. I was highly impressed with the guitarist of the band, who played excellently and as though it were the easiest thing in the world for him to do. He inspires me, truly, as a musician. Their leaving was adorned with dynamic bows and hands in prayer positions, and of course, bells as they left the stage.

Tera Melos was next, and while Master Musicians may not have been a group I'd usually listen to, I was certainly warmed up with the rest of the crowd. The group consists of three young guys, and they've been said to play electro ambient experimental math rock. I was quite impressed with their work, and definitely think they have made me into a fan with their music. Their sound has character, and each song they play didn't seem forced, but rather, carefully looked over and they put their very hearts and souls into each performance. I was very happy to see a band like Tera Melos on the rise, and hope that they continue on the path that's set for them. I particularly enjoyed the performance of their song "Aped", as it had nostalgic vocals for me (reminded me a bit of modest mouse), but a completely different and restructured song structure. I couldn't possibly write well enough to do justice to their work. They are definitely thinkers - and they've shown thinkers can make music that's great.

Then finally it was time for Boris. 

Set List - Listen to the songs they played at the show!  It'll be almost like you were there.

The lights went down and the theme from their new album titled New Album trickled through the speakers as they prepared their guitars and amplifiers to kill us all. The crowd started cheering and shouting, a big smile graced my face as Takeshi began playing the first few chords of "Riot Sugar" a fun, fun, heavy, heavy song that can make anyone swing their heads to the rhythm. I was extremely excited to be seeing a band I'd just started listening to, playing a song I enjoyed so much by myself in my room or walking down the street, now amplified ten times louder and in person, larger than life.

Our beaming faces as "8" resumes
Photo taken by Tomo Saito

Wata's guitar solo strung off into the next song, and things quieted down for a short moment as Takeshi prepared to play the beginning of the next song, a personal favorite of mine, titled "8". The song started off slow, and sporadic screams and shouts echoed throughout the hall as Takeshi took his time playing the first few measures. The measures of this song grip at your heart, simple as they are, and then pick up speed for the drummer, Atsuo, to jump in. However, we ran into a short technical difficulty, and Takeshi timidly said, while fixing his guitar, "Hello San Francsisco. Thanks for coming."  We were hyped.
Atsuo picked up the next part of the song and Boris charged out with the most beautiful, simple progression, gorgeous vocals saying literal sweet nothings, drums on fire, and guitars creating walls of sound, as Boris is known to do. We danced around, like we were all children again, shaking the sorrow off our heads for happiness, lost in Takeshi's voice and the  Wata's guitar that sounded beautiful like a waterfall. We danced and laughed, shouted and threw our hands up together. The chorus particularly steals my heart even to this day, Takeshi spins his vocal chords into a falsetto that sounds so endearing and filled with heart.

"8" left us too quickly, and I still miss the moment of being lost in that song. But Wata turned to the audience with the beginning riff of the most familiar number of the night, "Statement", which conjured up the loudest shouts from the crowd. "Statement" is the first song most people will find when searching Boris' music online, and was also the song on the Regency Ballroom's website, so for many, it was first exposure. Wata, who is a teeny tiny little woman, shreds like a crazy person in this song, definitely giving female musicians someone to look up to. She does it without an expression on her face, and with hardly a move to her left or right, like she's decided,  on a straight and narrow path of determination to make perfectly every note. "Statement" is a very fun work with a break down that reminds me of a gospel song I'd heard probably many years ago, with a gliding guitar and sparky vocals from Takeshi, Atsuo, and Wata. The crowd shook their heads and shouted in awe of the musical mastery Boris presented. There was a much more cohesive feeling among the crowd as we all danced and sang to the song we all knew well.

As "Statement" closed out, we were given a break as "Attention Please" from Boris' new album likely titled, began to stream through the speakers. Wata's breathy and shy voice drew us to a quiet foot tapping, as we listened to her careful Japanese.

I got so excited to hear "Flare" live
Photo taken by Tomo Saito

"Attention Please" was followed by another new number called "Party Boy", in which Wata showed us her soulful side, singing out the lyrics and playing her guitar, backed up by the beat of the drums and the smooth yet gritty bass guitar. We swung side to side with her, listening to the sinful progression of chords and harmonies. "Party Boy" is a fun work, not very heavy, and actually quite mellow to most Boris fans (as I've heard), but it has something simple and fun about it that makes a girl such as myself want to just hop around and swing my hair. So of course, I enjoyed, and did just as I wanted.

The dancing was soon finished, and opening synth for "Flare", another song off their new album "Attention Please" came zooming through. As someone who had had many a chance to listen to the new albums by Boris, I got extremely excited for "Flare". Atsuo beat the drums quickly, and the guitars all played disonant chords together as Takeshi stepped up to the microphone and belted out the chorus of the song. Everyone jumped up and down together in unison, we could have started an earthquake I think. "Flare" is a number with predictability, which the crowd could get into, but still has it's zest and spark that kept us excited for each beat and each chord. There is a sense of hopefulness in this song, in the chord progressions, in Takeshi's voice, in Wata's guitar solo. "Flare" is well pieced and put together, creating a cohesive, and yet very vibrant work that had us all spinning in circles and shaking our heads, throwing our hands up and shouting with excitement. The final minute of the song got heavier and we all shook our heads together, getting into the music with all our hearts. The final four notes Takeshi played on his double-neck guitar escaped into the sky and we were met by the opening kick of "Spoon", another beautiful number headed up by Wata on vocals.

"Spoon" is sweet and endearing, but does not disappoint those of us who wanted to rock out still. This is an element of rock that I really appreciate and that always grabs my attention. While Wata serenaded us like a mother sings lullabyes to her baby daughter, the other members of the band rocked out with their entire soul, presenting something beautiful to us, a contrast many artists are afraid to take, with twinkling bells and disonant, crunching guitars together. Boris mastered the idea of ambience and hard rock in this song perfectly, whisking the crowd away to a place that was safe and filled with joy, passion, and wonder.

As Takeshi wrung out "Missing Pieces" our hearts were filled
with careful consideration of his feelings
 and emotions, his beautiful soul, like our own beautiful souls.
Photo taken by Tomo Saito

Our faces all lost in lights,  Takeshi slowed us down to listen carefully with our hearts to the 12 minute and 23 second performance of "Missing Pieces". In Japan, during numbers such as these, the audience stands still and in silence, carefully waiting to capture the heart of the artist. I stood there, I waited, and I was surely careful. The sorrow expressed in "Missing Pieces" drew my heart to lift up a quick prayer for Takeshi, for Boris, for Japan, for each heart, that Jesus would find them, and this sorrow could return to joy as though all was right with the world. For me, I could feel this joy in my own heart, just in coming to this concert. It's the way God speaks to me, personally. And for each person it is different. My heart was grateful I could be standing where I was, listening carefully to the heart of another human being like this. It was truly a blessing I could hardly hold in my own two hands. As Wata's guitar entered the song, and the drums followed, the song poured out over the audience, and we all stood, silent. Boris played on, each moment becoming more and more intense, their hearts on their sleeves, hardly fighting the pain they felt, letting it all wash over us, and remain in a time of loud walls of sound. As silence quickly interrupted our fragile moment, we applauded and shouted.

Atsuo, the drummer, reached out his hand toward us, greeting San Francisco again, and motioned that he just couldn't hear us shouting. Behind him there was placed the legendary gong he usually beats near the final stretch of the set. We shouted and shouted, clapped our hands and reached back out toward the stage, as if we were trying to grab his hand in our own. After some give and take with this shouting game, Atsuo issued in the final stretch of Boris' set with a loud clang on the gong.

We were set quickly on a fast downward spiral again with "Window Shopping" a song full of shouting from the stage, joyful dancing of the band members, and heaviness that burns in your soul. We all shook our heads, shook off our contemplative thoughts and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly with Boris. Wata sang a kind little "doo-do-do-doo" then plunged into a truly unforgettable guitar solo, raising hands and cheers from the crowd. Boris didn't let us off easy with a cute but heavy piece like "Windown Shopping" rather, screeching right into "1970", a jazzy rock song that made everyone in the crowd shake their heads, raise their fists, and dance like it could have possibly been 1970. Takeshi sang out the chorus loudly, and we shouted it back with him, as we were squished against each other in the pit of the livehouse. I think I saw a fight break out behind me, people were really getting into the music, in their own way I do suppose. The song broke down into a ritard, drawing applause and cheers from all around.

Headbanging
Photo taken by Tomo Saito

Boris had truly saved best for last in their final heavy set, breaking out with "Pink", one of their most popular songs from a few years ago. Everyone freaked out,  shaking their heads and dancing, holding up their hands for Takeshi as he belted out the first few notes of the verses and shouting with the drummer as he pointed at us with his drum sticks, motioning like he couldn't hear us cheering him on. We sent out our hearts to him, and all together the band and the audience jumped down into the heaviness of "Pink" shaking our heads furiously, enjoying ourselves, having a wonderful time. Wata met us with a sweet guitar solo, and the crowd cheered and chanted for Boris, dancing until the end of the song. We put our hands together and clapped outrageously, but we knew the end was certainly drawing near.

And it did as Wata stood back for a moment, listening to our cheers, then played the regretful opening of "Aileron". We stood again and watched in silence as the song opened up slow and steady, tapping our feet. Then, suddenly, a burst of heaviness, slow and excruciating, jumped out from the stage. We cheered and cried, as Takeshi's voice resonated throughout the hallway. It was like we were crying out a sad farewell to each other. As the song ended, Wata turned to her keyboard and played a sweet song to us. A wall of sound built from the clanging of the gong behind Atsuo, and the resonance of the guitars, then quickly and painlessly - silence.

They bowed and left the stage, left us wanting. And to feel wanting is usually how one feels afterward.

忙しくて、楽しくて、祈りを出す。part two

Friday.

I hadn't had any plans until the middle of the week for this night. But around Wednesday I'd been invited by a friend of mine in City Cru to go and do volunteer work with YWAM (Youth With A Mission) in a part of San Francisco called the Tenderloin District. A group of college students headed out to what is known as one of the most dangerous districts in San Francisco. We met in an old building with flickering lights and high cielings, walls covered in memories via photographs and letters, old posters and make shift artworks.

The Tenderloin district is not only a place where there is a high concentration of people without a home, there is an even higher population of young children in this 6 block radius. YWAM serves the homeless community in San Francisco specifically in the Tenderloin by offering a place for them to rest and feel safe. And on Friday night, we headed out with YWAM staff to serve hot chocolate to people on the streets, have converstaion with them, and pray with them as well.

I had my reservations about this once I realized the depth and closeness I would be experiencing with people I usually tend to avoid in this city. I was nervous and excited to see what God would do. My fear was placed mostly in that I was in a group, but being an African American, I was afraid I would attract perhaps more unwanted attention from men on the streets. It's almost always been my experience that if there is an African American male on the street, he'll talk to me or hoot at me,  and not my white friend. So, in all honesty, I was certainly afraid at first.

But my experience was unlike anything I'd imagined at all. While I'm not necessarily condoning one walking alone in the Tenderloin talking to people on the streets, I will say that the people I met on Friday night were just like me, just like my brother, just like my father, just like my mother, and my sister. It's strange when, and this happens to me often, I look into the desperate face of someone who shares my heritage, and I can see the faces of my family. It broke my heart so much.

There was a particular man named Leonard, who answered when I asked how his day was going that it was going just excellent. He let me sit by him for a minute so I could ask him if there was something I could pray with him about. All he said was, "Peace." Here was a man in a completely different situation from my own, with my father's eyes, and with a prayer request that I so often pray for myself. In a matter of seconds, I could relate to him, only a minor scale, for I'm sure his worries are far beyond my own, but still, we could relate. To pray for him felt natural and it was humbling to be thanked for hot chocolate and a prayer. I wish I could give the thanks he gave me back to him and say, "Please keep it" if that makes any sense.

On the streets of the Tenderloin you hear stories that hurt, stories that inspire you, stories that make you want to be a better person. You don't meet homeless, you meet people. You meet people with goals and aspirations in life just like yours. You meet people with setbacks, and with struggles, just like your own. You meet people with hearts that God sees as good and beautiful, hearts that I have no doubt He is still pursuing.

When I got home Friday night, I had no words. This was a much needed experience. But something about short-term missions really doesn't sit well with me. Chances are high that I will never see the people I've met ever again. Or worse, I will ignore them on the street next week, walking alone and concious of my safety. To think this way hurts more than anything I've felt in a while. It creates grief in my heart, truly. I wonder why I do short term missions like these, if I know I won't be able to commit to  these people, with the faces of my father and brother. I wonder, and wonder.

忙しくて、楽しくて、祈りを出す part one

Since Thursday night, I have had plans every night this weekend. All good if not great plans, but plans nonetheless. This weekend, I realized I was going to get out into the city, spend more on public transportation than ever in a matter of 4 days, and I could not have been more excited.

Thursday afternoon I was free until the evening when events would begin. I decided I'd get some errands run, and get a head start on a paper that is due next month in my Dance 400 class. We've got to watch a ballet and write about how the technique we are studying in Dance 400 applies to the professional full length ballet performance we've watched. I decided to pursue a full length ballet I have not ever seen before in my life (though I've only see few as it is): Jewels by G. Balanchine. In order to get ahold of a DVD, I spent my Thursday afternoon traveling out on a crowded bus to the Richmond Branch of the San Francisco Public Library. I'm finding that in this city I can travel even the tiniest bit, and suddenly, San Francisco bursts with magic and nostalgia of a life I've never lived.

The Richmond Branch of the SF Public Library 

Here on this global like structure, there is a map carved in of San Francisco, even the ocean and the Golden Gate Bridge is carved beautifully into this structure. 

Getting to the Libarary and getting a library card was certainly a breeze, as was finding Balanchine. From there I decided I'd go to a coffee shop that had been briefly mentioned to me last semester. With my backpack on my shoulders, I stomped out on the street to get a cozy place on Irving called Hollow.

Hollow isn't necessarily a hole in the wall, but it is surrounded by vacated looking abodes and an old full service station that seems to have been out of business since the 1920s. The warmth of the green walls and chalkboard sitting outside a door with a re-finished handle, completely whisks you away into the deep hallway with a low roof and natural light with flecks of an antique oil lamp pair.

Inside there is a wide array of gifts of sweet little spoons, soaps, tea infusers, candles, perfumes (Tokyo Milk Brand by the way!), and also a wide array of tempting desserts. The inside of Hollow reminds me of a garden, but an indoor garden, kindly adorned with antiques and gifts, a menu of coffee and empanadas, belgian waffles, cupcakes, cakes, cookies, and more. The ambiance is certainly brough to fruition by the sweet sounds of romantic folk music that lingers, and occassional whistle along with the music from the kind and witty barista with a hipster mustache and high-water jeans.


I ordered a delectably strong double mocha, a vanilla bean marshmallow and a a cookie with dulce de leche covered in chocolate to take home. As I set my self down, perched on a wooden stool, I gazed out into Irving street, where there was a sheet of rain falling from the sky, yet the sky was perfectly blue, and the sun no where in sight. Quite strange, but at the same time, gorgeous and well suited for the time and place in which I found myself. The cup was far too small, and as the sun peeked out and the rain subsided, knowing the poor weather for walking would return soon, I regretfully went on my way.

(I did end up returning to Hollow not too much later, on a Saturday afternoon with my good friend Cara. It was a trial just getting there, but once we did, being able to share the indescribably atmosphere with her was worth it. We chatted for a bit, enjoyed a hot cocoa and a spinach and feta empanada, fought with a yellow jacket, and enjoyed each others company as friends simply do.)

These are our silly faces. 

The real fun and games started on that night, which is Thursday, the night I head out to the Sunset for Bible Study with my sophomore friends. Instead of having a study, we had a pot luck and girl's night in. We enjoyed a beautiful menu of a vegetarian cassoulette, macaroni and cheese (which I'm still picking at my leftovers, trying to make the goodness last), avocado crostinis, a salad tossed in mango chutney, you get where I'm going with this- the works. We chatted and listened to Billie Holiday for hours, played a terrible game of charades, and before I knew it was time to head home again.

I really enjoy being in a Bible study with these girls. They are so sweet and loving, and just all around great people. I'm hoping that I can get to know each girl better this year, as I've only been in the city for about a total of five months, and have a year or so to catch up with everyone haha. But even so, I am blessed to have fellowship with these priceless people. Here in San Francisco, it can be very hard to live when you're living alone. Even though Billie does say, "it's easy to live when you're in love" and she's got quite the point, fellowship and community are a necessary part of life in San Francisco. I'm blessed with the community that I have, and I wouldn't trade it for any other in the world.

And the next day was Friday, which I will be writing about soon.

秋の休み and もものパン and Loopriders

This weekend has so far been utterly perfect. On Friday afternoon, having completed all of my homework the night before, I piled into a car with many friends from City Cru and we drove out the East Bay, a place I've never been, but I'd love to see again soon. We were headed towards Fall Retreat, a retreat that takes place each fall semester to get away from the city and contemplate. I was very excited to go with all the girls in my freshman small group, since it would be the first time at Fall Retreat for all of us, and we could get to know each other much better.

We arrived in the four pm sunset on a little street called Eureka, and were faced with a big house comfortably perched in the wake of a thousand year old Redwood tree. The inside of the house we'd been staying in was classic and covered with art student's work, and even many professional works of arts, from portraits of cozy bunny rabbits to a very creepy woman whose eyes followed you wherever you went. The house's theme of colors were warm reds and soft cream, one of my personal favorites, and I felt right at home walking into the eclectic household.

Across from our house was a tree covered in painted old vinyl. The BART ran right behind it every half hour or so, creating a magical sound that echoed through the park, like a scene out of Spirited Away. 

The retreat opened with a barbecue dinner, meeting with friends, singing, and hearing from a guest speaker named Nate, who runs a nonprofit in East Oakland sharing love and kindness with youth in the city. I will be honest, I was missing my friend who hadn't been able to make it. The whole night I was trying to seek a kind of centering point to be able to see what all of tonight meant for me as a single person, but it was hard to do. Thankfully the next day, I had a lot of time to myself. We spent an hour sitting outside reflecting on our lives and asking our selves questions that for some, the answers came easy, and for others, I still have to think about them.

The retreat came to an end in the five pm sunset of Saturday, and while I was sad to be leaving, I was so excited to get back to San Francisco. I had no actions or intentions in mind of what I would do when I got back, and not having anything set before me, for the first time, felt alright. I suppose I shall elaborate - I always plan what I'm going to do, how I'm going to take a practical step to implement what I've learned or how I'd like to grow, but this retreat for me was different from all the others I've ever been to in my life. I didn't really know how to start or where to go once I'd learned all that I did, and in that way it was implementing what I've learned: trusting in my Creator. I have no plans, but that's alright. Truly, more than alright.

Fall is starting to get into full swing around here, and the leaves are changing colors and falling onto the ground. Rain is expected this coming week, and there's a fresh breeze blowing in the air. Peaches are delicious, and also make for wonderful peach pancakes, which I've been enjoying thoroughly this weekend in my apartment. Fall is also a season in which I do things out of the ordinary, such as see a band I've never heard of before in a live house downtown.  I'm looking forward to seeing a group called BORIS this coming weekend. October is sweet, and near the end of the month, should only get sweeter with candy and pumpkin cheesecake. I love fall.

秋が来ると木の葉が赤くなります

This weekend marks the beginning of Autumn. And this means warm colours in the trees, rainfall, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin pancakes, warm breakfasts and cool evenings. Just yesterday the mist in the air was so thick I was sure it was going to rain, as I made my way up 19th Avenue to a friend's house for the perfect brunch to usher in the new season.

Firstly, my friend's house is down the road from Campus, next to a busy street. The sound of cars and muni cable cars running by filled my senses with the sounds of the city, and the cool air on my face with droplets of rain felt like a fresh wash to my skin. I do believe, however, it's time for me to break out my peacoat. I was quite chilly. The house is tucked in between a row of many other homes, and the front door is up a curling flight of deep red steps with a thin, swirling white hand railing. The house is small and cozy, comfortable with marble countertops in the kitchen and black stove tops and a microwave. The smell of pumpkin spice waffles hung in the air as I walked in.

We wasted no time setting the table and chatting about the long gone summer. It was great to be able to see friends I hadn't seen since the day I left for Santa Barbara, and hear about the wonderful things they had had the opportunity to do. One friend in particular, was able to work with No More Deaths in Arizona for two weeks, and her stories literally moved me. She had had the beautiful opportunity of working closely with adults and youth, in an environment of tension and struggle, making a seemingly small, but turly meaningful impact during her summer. 

 The main course of brunch was Pumpkin waffles. I love pumpkin waffles now, and I kind of don't know why I hadn't eaten them in previous fall seasons. They are perfect with sweetness of the pumpkin, and spiciness of the cloves, nutmeg, and cinnoman.

 And there's no better pairing with waffles than a maple agave syrup blend, some freshly cut strawberries, and vegetarian sausage patties. Breakfast was delightful, and our conversation, even more.  Autumn has arrived, and even today, the fall season has graced campus with some rain and calming grey skies.
Hello San Francisco Autumn, Hello rain.

Last Sunshine

Last weekend, my best friend came up to San Francisco to visit me before his trek to Seattle to start up school again. We visited many of my favorite places, Dolores Park, Philz in the Castro, and Thorough Bread Bakery&Cafe. We started our adventure right after church service on what had turned out to be a chilly but gorgeous nontheless Sunday. There was a layer of fog creeping over the hills into the city, and the sun was shining warmly against the wind of the afternoon.

My Not-so-Classic Lemon Tart 

Now, I've mentioned Thorough Bread Bakery&Cafe before, they always have the most impeccable sandwiches and desserts!

As usual, I'm one for a classic dessert, while my friend is always more of the adventurous type. I indulged in a very smooth lemon bar, lined with two intertwining stripes of dark chocolate. What I love about Thorough Bread is that their desserts look so carefully crafted and are fun to eat. Under the lemon creme layer, I was delighted to discover a decadent sheet of white chocolate on the pastry crust. My classic choice had turned out to be full of delicious surprises.

His Adventurous Raspberry White Chocolate Cake

 My friend took the adventurous route, as I before mentioned, and delved into a raspberry and white chocolate sponge cake filled with a fresh, tart raspberry jelly and a creme layer. The taste of this dessert was unlike anything I have ever had before, with the perfect blend of light as air creme, and fruit that was tart without a painful bite to it. The texture was delicate, the flavor rich, balanced carefully with softness. I had not expected such an intricate dessert to have such a simple blend of flavors. It was quite sad taking it apart, as it looked like something you'd see in a museum.

What do you see in this cloud? 

Once we had left Thorough Bread, we headed down to Dolores Park, one of my favorite places in the city to spend time on a sunny afternoon. We fell on our backs on the green hillscape, stared curiously up into the sky. I haven't played that game where you find animals and people in the clouds since I was a kid, and I was happy to reunite with a piece of my childhood. We found lions, turtles, birds, just about everything, even a Chinese dragon.

The sun was warm, I must have fallen asleep for a bit. It was definitely a rare day, and I could have stayed on that hill scape forever, with faint music in the background, laughter and conversation drifting on the wind, the sights of the clouds and the warmth of the sun, and my best friend silent by me.

Eventually, we had to leave the hillscape of Dolores Park, and as the wind picked up and the fog rolled in, we decided to stop for a delicious cup of coffee at Philz. Philz is fantastic in my opinion, because of the way they make thier coffee, in an old fashioned but unique drip style. Thier selection of coffees and spot-on descriptions of flavors leave you wanting to order just about everything on the menu, and their choice of cream and sugar is wonderful and delicious. 

I ordered something I hadn't before: Ambrosia. And I definitely recommend it to everyone. It is a medium brew, if I remember correctly, but just has a delicious natural sweetness, and again, with thier delicious choices of cream and sugar, makes for a soothing cup of coffee that warmed every bone in my body.

We made our way back to the train station, through the sweet streets of the Castro district, admiring the bay windows and vibrant colors of each house. I would like to live here someday, I thought. And I feel that I'd be happy with probably any house in the city, as long as it came with a bay window. Maybe I'm simple-minded or easy to please, and maybe that's not the best thing, but I don't mind. It was a wonderful Sunday, that day. Lately the sun has been following us, and the days are getting warmer, September Summer is truly present, making me want to strike out for perfect days like this one was.

Here at State, the work is starting to pile on thick, and I've noticed I don't really feel as ambitious towards my studies as I did last semester, I'm wondering what this means, if it means anything for me at all. I'm working to at least go through the motions of applying myself. I'm not bored here, I'm just preoccupied with other things. That's my excuse. I'm sure that things will be alright though. Once I start working  on where I've fallen behind, it will seem easier than when I'm faced with a mountain of unfinished assignments, not just in school, but in life.

Happy Friday

September is upon us in San Francisco. This is my first September up here, and I have to admit, it is kind of like summer. I was rather skeptical when people said that the rest of California's autumn is San Francisco's summer. But the sun is indeed out, and the weather gets progressively warmer up until about 2pm, then a fog sweeps in and chills the city a bit. I've concluded that the weather here is perfect right now, not too hot, and not too cold, a half and half blend of sun and clouds (like dark chocolate and white chocolate or something like that...), I am thoroughly enjoying the weather up here in San Francisco.

Classes have been moving at a much quicker pace than I remember them moving at last semester. Perhaps many a professor does indeed get re-energized from a summer vacation. I'm already feeling as though I can't keep up with them, mostly in their lectures, but doing assignments is a special skill I've honed over the past few years, so I'm not too worried.

Things with City Cru will be picking up quite soon, and I have to say I'm extremely excited to do some campus ministry. We'll be starting up small groups and weekly meetings, I'm particularly looking forward to a prayer and worship night we have coming up this weekend, it'll be great. Amidst all the business our group is going through right now, I have to confess it's been a little lonely this semester. Almost all the great and wonderful friends I made last semester have moved off campus, and getting together with them is even more difficult now than it was in the Spring with our conflicting schedules. I really miss being able to walk five minutes and be at my friends place, hang out with them all weekend, and just have a great time. This change in dynamic is something I can't say I was prepared for at all. But nevertheless, there are many new friends I'm starting to make, as City Cru is growing, and as my church is growing as well. I'm not going to worry about it at all.

This weekend I have so many plans, one of those plans was to talk about last weekend. But sadly my photo-taking cellular device has been giving me a difficult time. Last Friday my friends and I went on a very fun ice cream tasting tour that I  had taken photos silly of! Hopefully that will work out soon. You can look forward to it with me!

And with Labor Day weekend here, I took the time to discover the hidden gem of FREE THINGS TO DO IN SAN FRANCISCO. Oh my! Here are some things that I find quite interesting:

- Asian Art Museum has FREE admission this Sunday from 4pm-10pm / Special Exhibits are only $5
- Food Truck Festival is back in Fort Mason! The Event is free, bring money for food of course
- Japantown is hosting an Alternative Music Fest Sunday from 12pm-5pm featuring all kinds of electro artists.
- Doin it in the Park at Golden Gate Park is also this weekend, with free BBQ, free music, and it's a family friendly event!

As a  poor college student, I have to say that getting in the know about things to do in the city for free just makes me so excited!

Happiest of Fridays to Everyone. 

神様の愛は

San Francisco finally became a less lonley place last night. After many weeks of moving around and work, I was able to drop everything and go to a prayer meeting at church. I was excited to go, to read MUNI again and see the tunnels that lead to Church Station. I was met with the familiar scent of the brick underground as I headed up the steps. And then I found myself staring up into Twin Peaks, covered by a layer of clouds, the spire reaching up into the sunset, my feet on Market Street again for the first time in a far too long time. The wind blew, I thought, "This moment is perfect."

Walking into the Swedish American Hall, I was met with familiar, but not in a dormant or stagnant kind of way. But homey familiarity that filled my heart with utter joy. There were many friends I got to see again, many hugs, lots of words exchanged, and encouragement in this big family. Then we prayed together. This summer, I have to confess I've felt jaded, lost, and as though I have been scrambling to find God in my life. What does it mean for me to be a Christian? I was asking myself that question constantly, and couldn't get past the guilt of not knowing, or not measuring up to my own theories. But last night, my heart strings loosened, and the world was put back into perspective for me. The very thing I had learned that had changed my life immensely when I first arrived in San Francisco resurfaced, showing me what was true in a short hour. Jesus is everything.

We sang songs and the words were like the beats of my heart. They were like the beats of our hearts, and we prayed fervently. It was beautiful in a way that I won't even try to explain. As the evening wound down, we sang the heart-wrenching "How He Loves". I had a flashback to Japan almost immediately.  There I was, restored in this building among my brothers and sisters, and how quickly God moves to open our hearts outwards to the others whom He loves. When I was in Japan, "How He Loves" was the only song we sang that I knew, next to a few beautiful Japanese hymns. Singing that song here in the United States is a living statement of how the phrase, "Pray for Japan" has changed for me, in that I am excited to see the day when Japanese people hear the Gospel, and experience the love and joy described in that song that can only come from Jesus. That is what I pray for Japan.

The night ended and yet there was so much on my mind. I am glad to be at this place, but not content, amazing things are ahead, and that is something I praise God for. The world has regained it's beauty in my eyes, not because of anything I've done, not because of where my two feet took me yesterday, but be cause God is at work in this city, and in this world.

I haven't written much about my school experiences lately. I am so glad I got into International Housing here on campus in the Village! I absolutely love my roommates. One is a senior named Sara, this is her last semester. She's very kind and fun to be around, she's witty and just a great person. My roommate whom I share a room with is a foreign exchange student from Taiwan named Echo. Echo is the sweetest person in the whole world, though she tends to be nocturnal because of her jet lag, poor thing. Hilariously enough last night she didn't sleep at all! I'm hoping her sleeping pattern gets better, I'm sure her body clock must be so confused. Echo and I have been shopping for her apartment necessities, and she's very fun to shop with. She has already begun sharing with Sara and I traditional foods from Taiwan that she cooks herself. She's got a great heart, I already know it. I am so excited to see how this year turns out for all of us.

Club Tabling here at State is almost done, I think, and I'm excited for City Cru's first meeting to arrive. I remember last semester coming to D-Lab for the first time, and just being so excited that there was a group on campus like Cru that facilitated discussions of the Bible in a very open and loving environment, but encouraged discovering what the Bible said for ourselves, and not just taking someone else's word for it. I know that for me, that it was grew my faith the most, in a short matter of 6 months. Tomorrow we are going to get ice cream together in the Mission. I'm excited to travel with everyone and hear more about their summers and what they are expecting of this year.

Many of my friends are living off campus this year too, which has been hard to deal with. I miss my good friends like Sarah G! (Yes that is a shout-out. :D) I am excited for girls' Bible Study to start up again as well, so I can be able to see everyone more often. I miss our fellowship and the strong bond that we have formed over the past semester.

All in all, this year is looking great so far. I have hit some bumps in the road, but nothing ever that is too big for God to handle. 

お帰り

Yesterday was my first day of classes back at SFSFU. It has been a crazy couple of days getting moved in, and I even went on a short vacation up to Seattle this weekend to help shoot a wedding with Curtis. It was a great time, I miss him a lot now that he's gone and school has started here. Yesterday I had my first three classes, English, Piano, and Dance.

My schedule has changed up a little bit since my first  semester, now I am getting up for an 8am class every day. It's hard to do right now, but I'm looking forward to my early mornings. The fog is heavier around 8am and the air is cool and crisp walking to each class. My English class doesn't seem like it will be very fun, but it's only been the first day of going over the syllabus and getting to know the students and the teacher. I'm hoping that I haven't lost my touch in writing, but I'm not too worried.

Piano is probably my favorite class so far. The Creative Arts building was one I had never set foot in last semester, and I could hardly contain my excitement walking through the doors. In Creative Arts there are classrooms for theater, music, and even some dance classes, and many lockers, some are really big for instruments and props. Flyers for auditions and supplemental classes line the walls, and the people are all full of life and energy. My class is toward the back of the building, and walking along the hallways of endless hallways of practice rooms, you can hear students practicing their piano and oboe, violin and viola, cello and guitar, groups singing together. It's like a movie. I wanted to change my major to Theater almost immediately just walking through the Creative Arts building.
My piano lab instructor is wonderful, and rather hilarious. She is a Latvian woman name Inara with a bright disposition, a dramatic sense of humor, and she plays the piano beautifully. In our classroom there are rows and rows of electric pianos, they are gorgeous. I think I am going to enjoy the class very much.

Dance was also very fun to go to. The studio we dance in is dark, and much smaller than the gym studio where I took Ballet 1. As usual with dance, I feel a tad intimidated, I'm trusting this will subside as I practice.

恵みで

Oh to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.


It's been almost a week, well, it'll be a week that I've been back in the United States on Wednesday, but in this small amount of time I've managed to catch a cold and become sick of sitting in my house, start work again, and of course have some sort of epiphany. I worry sometimes that I think about things so deeply so often, when it may not even be as deep as I think haha. Maybe I just have a small mind, which could definitely be true. And that's not a bad thing - I'm feeble and merely human, I could not possibly require a certain mental capacity of myself.

When I was flying home from Japan, the plane flew right over the city of San Francisco. SF has been in my heart since I got home. I miss all my friends from City Cru, I miss the city, I miss just the sense of urgency of living missionaly every single day. I thought that it was over when I left Japan, then God flew me over the city and filled my heart with love for ever neat little row of houses, the big city, the bright red bridge, and the cloud hovering over SFSU. August, please do come quickly.

I felt so useless and helpless coming home, and depressed because there was no one around me who had shared in the experience of going to Japan and loving on the people there, and not many wanted to listen to every single minute of my three weeks there. I knew it would be this way, but nothing could prepare me for it. But today grace was with me. I walked into work and was able to talk to one of my coworkers, who isn't a believer in Jesus, but has a heart for Japan. He was so encouraged that even the gifts of love that are being given from around the world to Japan are making a huge impact in the areas affected by the earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear crisis. I was glad to give him that news.

I am excited to start school again, and begin studying music alongside my Japanese and dance. God has certainly turned my heart back that way. I was feeling rather distant in my relationship with God, simply because I felt I had no words to say (unbelievable you say, I couldn't agree more!!). I was sitting down with my boyfriend listening to his church's band, and I wanted to cry listening to the music. It's the way in which my heart connects with the gospel and understands it. I remember my first Sunday in San Francisco at Reality, singing songs with titles I've long forgotten, but hearing the words spill out of my mouth and feel my heart beat fast like it does when I speak to someone in Japanese and understand their reply to me. My heart understands the gospel in song. My heart understands joy and words that have for years been empty to me, growing up in church, when they are sung and composed beautifully. And just about anything is beautiful to me. I'm not hard to please.

I am just happy. I feel like I'm emerging from a dark, self centered place, and I'm ready to give all of my self to whatever God would put in front of me next. 

帰りましたので悲しい感じがいっぱいはね

I'm back in the United States.

I was told that when you come back from a short term/long term missions trip to a nother country, you tend to feel reverse culture shock, you tend to feel like no one understands you, no one can share in your memories that you are so excited about, no one really cares about your trip, no one understands the weight of your trip, and you feel depressed because it was so much hype getting to it, you've done it, now it's over.

I will concede to the fact that I am feeling most of those things, though not all of them. Yesterday I got way caught up on sleep, sleeping about 20 hours from 3am to 5pm, where did my Thursday go? It's nearly the weekend now, and returning to life slowly has been the plan for my day. I start work tomorrow, I'm glad to see my coworkers again. I'm picking up my souvenirs and sorting my laundry, cleaning my room and throwing out lots of paper haha. All traces of any preparation for my Japan trip are being disposed of and I'm penning my last letters to my wonderful supporters.

This is hard. Being back is really hard. 

帰る

Yesterday I arrived in Tokyo again, and I've got three days of debriefing to do, then I go back to the United States. I am stocking up on omiyage and taking in as much of the sights of Tokyo as I can before I leave. My camera's batteries died and it was not worth it to buy new ones with only three days left of my trip, so I've been able to see everything with my two eyes and store them in my memory. I am going to miss it here in Japan so much. I am going  to miss the warm, sweet air, I am going to miss the cozy winds. I'm going to miss the lights and the quaint allies and the food and the night. I am going to miss everything about Japan.

Today we went to a place called Kichijouji, voted one of the best places to live in Tokyo, Japan. I'm truly in love with this place. The last time I came to Japan, Lalaport was my favorite place, and now I believe I've found a new favorite place. Kichijouji is perfect in everyway, mastering the balance of large shopping stores with sweet little house cafes, apartments and high rises, cobble stone streets, bakeries and technology shops all together neatly aligned, staircases leading down to new worlds of just about anything one can think up in our feeble minds. I have only been in Kichijouji for a day, but I just love it already. Maybe I fall in love too quickly.

Today I also got more information about long term campus ministry in Japan from someone who is finishing up his second year of ministry in Japan before heading to graduate school. It got me thinking, definitely. I feel torn because I want to get through school and have a college degree, but I want to also be in Japan for a long term time doing something that will help others and show God's love. I'm not really sure how to sort my thoughts about it at the moment, there's just so many emotions I feel right now.

Particularly, obviously I'm sad I'm leaving so soon. But I am also extremely grateful that Jesus gave me this opportunity and made everything work out the way it was supposed to and that God did use me to show His love to Japan. I know that His work does not end when I leave, and I'm excited for those who are just arriving in Japan, knowing they will feel the way I do when it's their turn to return home. But I have a message for the churches in the United States, and I'm bringing it back with me from Japan. There are so many people flocking to this country to help because of the tsunami and earthquake and even the radiation issue, but who will stay for the spiritual devastation of Japan? This is why I can't wait to go back, but I know that God has us where we are for a reason all the time. Until I return to my heart's home, I will make sure Japan is not forgotten anymore.

The Girl Worth Fighting For. ♥

While it may seem a little backwards, today I saw the coastline of northern Japan for the first time with my own two eyes. For whatever reason, the idea seeing areas affected particularly by the tsunami had been met with many hesitations, I'm not sure why. But one of the Crash staff who hasn't seen the disaster area himself decided to take our team along the long drive (about five hours) up past Sendai to a place called Ishinomaki, a cove like town with a huge harbor and many homes along the coast. After yesterday, I was hesitant to see more of the devastation in Japan, however, I knew this would be my only chance to see for myself the reason I am even here.

The drive up from Nasu to Ishinomaki was beautiful. I have never seen so much of Japan before. There are countless hills upon hills covered in green life of various stages and textures, from the heavy oak trees and the smooth ivy, to the soft whispering glades of the rice fields. There are houses in every warm color your head could think up, stacked along the hillsides, and high rises and overpasses, small cities within cities and streets that seem to lead to a world of magic. Japan has always been beautiful, I think. And so coming upon Ishinomaki slowly, turning the corner around a lush green hill, I was met with a sight that I'll never forget.

 There was a whole lot of nothing, just about as far as my eyes could see there was nothing. There are mountains of rubble and debris just sitting in piles so high I'd be afraid to climb it. Some places are still flooded, becoming resevoirs of water from the March 11th tsunami. Fences are knocked down, buildings' first stories are completely wiped away. Tables are overturned inside houses, childrens bikes and toys are strewn across the sidewalks.

I've seen pictures in the news, I've read stories, I've even watched videos of the aftermath of March 11th, 2011. But to come and see it with my own eyes felt surreal, and I felt an emotion I'd never expected to feel.

Tohoku University's Marine Science Building
stands hollow as everything has been washed
away on the inside.

I felt angry. Why did God let this happen?

As I walked around slowly taking in the sights, my heart just sunk deep into my stomach and my eyes welled up with tears that just wouldn't fall. My guess is I have somehow been desensitized to all of this, but when I think about it closely and carefully, my heart can find itself again, and I can pray for Japan in a way completely different than before.

I could pray before almost blindly saying, "God is good." and it's not that I don't believe that anymore, I will always believe that God is good. But I had to struggle and say these same words in faith, knowing the truth, but having to teach my heart again that my God is a God of Love.

A broken soup bowl.

After seeing all of this, I wish I could stay here longer, or start these past two weeks all over again and just work even harder than I did these past two weeks. I wish I could go and visit more refugees or speak to more people in Nasu and love on everyone the way that Christ would. 

I don't want to leave Japan. Something is just telling me it's time to though, and when I return home, I do have a mission in mind. As compelled as I already am for Christ in Japan, to see the devastation of the tsunami first hand has just ripped my heart to pieces. More people, more Christians need to come and see this, and have their hearts broken for the most unreached country in the world today. In the United States it's very easy to be desensitized to disaster, because it always happens to everyone else and hardly ever to us (not to gloss over the tornadoes in the midwest or Katrina at all!) and so we don't grasp disaster beyond a weeks worth of news reports, pictures, dramatic music and some kind of closure that comes by just not hearing about the disaster any more. If anyone has even the slightest amount of love for Japan, they need to come and see places like Ishinomaki. Then the phrase "Pray for Japan" will have a completely new meaning for all of us. I know the saying is becoming newer and newer to me even as I type this. We will pray for Japan a prayer unlike any other. 

空気を読めない

Today I went to Fukushima.

In Fukushima there are many trees, green rolling hills, rice fields and waterfalls, parks, sports, schools, mom&pop restraunts, soba noodles, lots of things. There are two main evacuation centers in Fukushima as well, one of them being Azuchi. Azuchi is surrounded by a sports park where baseball teams can have games, as high school baseball is very popular in Japan.

When I first stepped out of the car in Fukushima, I realized how beautiful Fukushima is. It is one of the most gorgeous places I have seen in my time in Japan. Yet there is unrest in the silence. People are not happy, and those tensions and feelings can be felt especially in Azuchi. With one day of Kokoro no Care training under my belt, I went in with a team of 20 other people to go and give hand massages to the refugees in Azuchi, and listen to whatever they would like to share with me.

Going in to this, I was extremely nervous, and unsure of myself, because I did not know what exactly to expect. With each step towards the evacuation center, my heart was pounding, and all I could do was ask God to turn the heaving of my heart into waves of compassion. When we walked into the evacuation center, it  looked like any usual hotel would, with an information desk, a lobby, a giant television, and a performer singing enka. Many people were gathered in this kind of common room listening to this manin an bright silver glittering jacket as his voice resonated throughout the hall.

We went up the stairs, and I saw what people had described to me as the cardboard houses Japanese people had begun to make as their stay in the evacuation center because something more long term. All of my imaginations and all of the things I had heard aside, I found myself in shock. There before me where rows and rows of literal cardboard cubicles covered with sheets. Some had welcome mats in front of the perferated "doors" and others had small fake plants hung along the sheets of walls. Here nearly 1,000 displaced people had created a home for themselves as best they could. My eyes watered.

We were met with many different kinds of feelings. In Azuchi, there is much tension and sharing a hand massage or a conversation with people is very difficult because the stage of the disaster is a time when morale is low. There was a man who got angry with my partner because he was trying to sleep and did not want us to bother him. Others were more polite, but expressed they would rather be alone than talk. We were met with many different kinds of feelings today, and my own feelings were getting so mixed up, by lunch time I wasn't sure if I could go another three hours in the evacuation center.

The walls in the center are covered in artwork, many children's projects and donated artwork, many of them saying, "Ganbare Nihon, Ganbare Tohoku, Ganbare Fukushima!" and such. I have heard that people have taken the phrase "ganbare" and taken it to the extreme of never ever showing weakness, and that we can say if we feel it is okay that maybe people in the evacuation center are being too hard on themselves, or it is okay if they don't do their best today, it is okay for them to cry. We will cry with them.

I was invited into three people's homes today.

An ojiisan sitting alone away from a group of people gathered at a table, in the confines of his space in the center. He spoke with an accent my partner and I had a hard time understanding. Someone told me many evacuees have Fukushima-ben or a Fukushima accent. The ojiisan had a lot to say about the center, and he told us about how temporary housing was not as great as it looked, and he thinks it is better to stay in the evacuation center. I met his wife, and gave her a hand massage. She was fragile and small, but beautiful nonetheless. They said many things as though they had not many options as to where the rest of their life would be spent, and their faces seemed tired from stress.

An obaachan sitting alone in her space closed in partially by some sheets, hunched over on her bed. Her name is Masako. She has a daughter with a cleft lip, whose name I was not told. Masako-san is 94 years old, her daughter is 72, they share a space in the evacuation center. Masako-san also had an accent, and she was unable to understand my Tokyo accent, so we got along well not understanding each other. But as Masako-san spoke, I listened carefully to her feelings she expressed to me after the earthquake and having to leave her home. Nani mo dekinen she said constantly ( I can't do anything), expressing how she felt. My heart hurt for her, I read her Psalm 23. She showed me her hobby of making paper dolls and origami, she gave me so much of the things she made. I wrote her name down on the paper crane she gave me, showing me that she had one identical to it, so we are connected and I will never forget her. My partner and I gave her and her daughter small windmills from the United States. I left her Psalm 23.

An obaachan watching her grandson's pet beetle (kobuto mushi). She has worked on a farm for many years, and I was able to have a conversation with her about working on farm from my 3 day experience at A.R.I. She is aware of the trouble farmers are facing, because she has experienced some of these troubles herself. Her daughter is from the Phillipines. She has a beautiful smile.

I was invited into three people's lives today. My gratitude is unspeakable, and my heart is full, boiling over with prayer for them. I know that Jesus loves them, and that He knows the pain they are feeling, I just wish there was more I could do. I could feel Masako's feeling in my heart of "Nani mo dekinai" as she told me her story and how the tsunami took so much away from her. I felt in my heart that I could not do anything for her. I am having to surrender this helplessness to God, and trust that He will provide for these people in Azuchi, not just in material things, but in emotional wealth and spiritual wealth. This is as real as it gets, truly.

I am sorting through my feelings. I currently have none that I can write down. This is as real as it gets. This is not the television, this is not pictures on a screen, heresay, no. This is reality for thousands of Japanese people. And just as unreal as the tsunami and the earthquake felt, so does seeing so many beautiful people displaced feel. It feels like it's not right, like it's not the way the world should be, like it could never happen and yet it has. I am sorting through all of these feelings. It was like...seeing the tsunami crash through the houses on the TV for the first time, but this time it was 10x more shocking, and brought tears to my eyes as we drove home.

I cried going home because I had a home to go back to. A lady asked one of the volunteers to pray that she could just go home. Four months was too long to stay in an evacuation center, she just wanted to go home. And here I am in a bed, not on a cardboard box, in a room with walls and a roof, and plenty of food to eat and surrounded by friends and not strangers, and  there are thousands like the beautiful people I met today who just want to have what I have. It hurts.

トーテム

Ah these past two days have been great looking back on them, but a struggle to get through them. Everyone has been working at the Asian Rural Institute on a farm there that grows organic vegetables and has cows pigs and chickens. The work has been the hardest, but as far as what I had in my suitcase, I was most prepared to work at A.R.I. We weeded lots of rice fields, harvested potatoes, mixed feed for the animals, the tasks go on. I appreciate the lightness of my work in the Crash warehouse even more now aha. But that's a secret. The heat out in A.R.I. was nearly unbearable but by the second day there, everyone was used to it and we worked with our best. We met lots of kind people who welcomed us, even though it was a short time, into their loving community of Christ and servanthood. Everyone there had simply pure hearts of gold, despite the challenges they have had to face since the March 11th earthquake and the nuclear crisis Japan is still dealing with.

A.R.I., as well as many farms in Japan have been affected tremendously by the radiation poisoning. Their crops have been affected because radiation goes down deep into the soil, and while the crops they grow may look alright, they are affected by radiation. Because the long term affects of ingesting even small amounts of radiation are still unkown, farmers across Japan are finding it difficult to continue selling the vegetables they grow or the milk from their cows with a clear concious, even if the Japanese government wants to make lenient rules that make it okay for the farmers to continue selling. Walking around A.R.I., there are many places where the staff there will share with you saying, "There was a crack that crossed the road and went up the wall of this building when the earthquake hit" or "There used to be a stone wall here, and it crumbled down entirely when the earthquake hit". While nuclear radiation may be the highest concern to farmers in Japan, at A.R.I., the devastation they are facing is tangible, as we pull potatoes from the ground, not knowing whether or not they are safe to eat, and even if we think they are now, will we regret it later..?

Please keep A.R.I. in your thoughts and prayers, as well as the farmers of Japan. Nuclear radiation is something that takes years to wear off, and many farmers have lost their livelihood because of the crisis in the Fukushima plant. I pray that they would be able to move forward still, even though they are being asked to leave so much behind, and continue their beautiful lives. And for the concious of the farmers who are still able to use their land, that they would have wisdom and do as best they can, what they feel is right.

I sound juvenile, but I have to be honest and say I never knew just how deep the affects of the nuclear crisis in Japan were, because there are farms everywhere in Tohoku. We drive past at least 20 on the way to A.R.I. every day, and those farms are all going through the same struggles as the farm that A.R.I. has. It's really heartbreaking to see and experience the feeling that all of their hard work may be useless, all of the planting, weeding, harvesting, may be for nothing, and they may have cancer later in their lives. It makes me really sad when I think about these people who I have been able to work with for three short days, that they want to be committed to keeping A.R.I. on it's feet, and are risking their lives in a way I could never do. It's humbling to me and it really makes my heart sad for them.

米の夢

Today was a pretty tough day. Crash staff are going on a retreat, and so the ware house where we usually work is closed for the next three days. So everyone is beginning work at the Asian Rural Institute. At first I wasn't sure what to expect of it, but as the day went on, I am sure that God has us doing work here for a reason. It started in our morning devotions. We read Ephesians 4:26;32. The passage talks about being angry but not sinning and forgiving others as God forgives us. Lately I have been having strange dreams, where I am in an argument with someone, either a family member or a teammate, and I have woken up very disturbed by these dreams and the person that I am in them. When I read this verse today, I felt my heart just beat really fast, and I was just so moved to pray that God would help me to see if I need to forgive someone in my life.

The day went on and was very tiring. Today we harvested potatoes by hand and pulled weeds in a rice field. We harvested potatoes in the middle of the day, and I felt very dizzy and sick with the heat. I am hoping tomorrow will be better for me, maybe that I will be more prepared. The latter part of the day in the rice fields was just beautiful. Akiko, David, and I got to the rice fields, took off our shoes and pulled up our pants and got down into the cool milky field where stalks of rice were growing. With my hands covered in sludge and the sun hiding behind a cloud, a cool breeze blowing through the rice field making the teeny leaves sing,  I thought to myself, "We are encountering a beautiful experience." It was just gorgeous. Very hard work, but gorgeous.

Rice Fields in Nasu at the Asian Rural Institute.

Today everyone got very dirty, so we went to the onsen again. Tomorrow our shift at the Asian Rural Farm begins at 5:00am, so I really should go to sleep. I am so tired haha.

I am seeing the importance lately of really having time with Jesus, please pray that I would be able to make time for this every day, because when there is less of me and more of Jesus, the work that I do becomes more and my spirit is lifted, no matter how I feel. Also please pray for my health, as I have been told I may be prone to heat sickness after only one day at the Asian Rural Institute farm. I want to do my best and be helpful wherever I am at.