泳ぐ鳥

Dear Santa Barbara,
You know, maybe we got off on the wrong foot 9 years ago. Just maybe, just maybe I had you figured out a little wrong there. So, how about we give this another go?

It's warm and there's pollen in the air, there are rabbits in the yard, roses in the garden, lemons, apples, locquats, oranges, plums, peaches, avocados, just falling from the sky. There are blue skies and warm winds here in Santa Barbara. It's beautiful. More beautiful than I remember. This, in itself, is a miracle. Something in me just clicked, when I realized I'd get to see my family again after a few months away, and the world here that is Santa Barbara, small as it is, is not suffocating me. I'm shocked. It must be grace.

I am fully preparing for a busy summer right now between raising money for the missions trip to Japan and finding a job. I've got an interview next Tuesday to work in a parking structure downtown. The job is flexible and I don't think they'll mind me skipping out for three weeks of my summer to remove debris and share love and hope with the people of Japan... at least that's what I think.

When I'm not doing what I should, I'm missing Curtis.

Before I left San Francisco, one of my mentors gave me the cutest handmade card I'd ever seen and in it wrote many things, including a list of books I should read over the summer. If I get this parking job, I can read all those books!! I've since started reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan, which is very good. It's a book on walking in the Spirit, perfect before I leave for Japan.

What I love about this book is that almost the first thing Francis Chan writes is something that has become so key to my walk of faith and I'm glad that someone else is encouraging and instructing others to do this -- Read the Bible for yourself. Don't take any one's word for truth, find truth. Seek God on your own, with your two hands, with your own eyes, search for God and have your own personal faith. Yes there are many people of wisdom in this world who will guide us in the right ways, but when we internalize the truth of the Bible for ourselves, it's different.

I only recently began reading the Bible for myself, going back to verses and chapters I avoided simply because I was so hardened to them and looked for God. I can say that I have been walking as a Christian basically all of my life, but seeking God out for myself makes me feel as though before I knew nothing, as though I weren't a Christian at all, like I was kidding myself. It's almost hilarious.

This summer, I don't know what's going to happen. A lot could happen, a lot will, and a lot won't. Whatever happens, I'm looking forward to it. This past semester at San Francisco State has especially shown me what is important in life, and has caused me to think deeply about myself, in ways, much like showing that I needed to search for God on my own. I have been drawn to go over and over again in my head my life story and find God, I have been urged to see how He has changed me, and how I am different for the better. But amongst the grace and mercy He gives, and the Love I have experienced, I am also pushed to see where I have not changed. And never have I looked on my faults with joy before this. I have joy because it means that God has not given up on me.

痛みへ

There's this kind of frustration in my heart over how I haven't been able to fully love someone all semester, just the things they do and say really make me want to shake them, and just saying that it hurts for me. Surrender is a moment by moment thing, I'm learning this with each passing second. Chances are I'll never see this person again, and while part of me is like, "Yes!" I wonder if I've done all I can to share the love of  Jesus with them, not just so I can say that I did, but for their benefit. Maybe it's true that even if you never see someone again, God hears our prayers for them?

It's Thursday, which means only one more class and then I'm heading back home tomorrow afternoon. I'm very excited to see my mom, dad, and big baby brother. We're going to pack my things and make our way home. Santa Barbara is so much smaller than San Francisco, but I think I'm ready to return, really I'm ready to come back to my family. And I feel that I've learned so much up here, I feel like a completely different person. I'm ready to go home and reconnect with people I isolated myself from (which was basically everyone) and reach out to people with love. This summer is going to be a good one, I can feel it.

I am very excited because I have been accepted to go on a Summer Project with Campus Crusade and CRASH to volunteer in Japan!! I'm at the point right now where it doesn't feel like it's happening, and, well, to be honest here, it's not until I raise the funds to go. But I'm believing and trusting that if I am supposed to be in Japan this summer, I will be there. I haven't been to Japan in so long and ever since I left I've wanted to go back. On top of that, I'm so glad to be able to just show the love of God to Japanese people and let God love on them with my hands and feet and my smile.

I have on more final, and it's in half an hour - oh Communications 150, why must you have a final exam? I should get back to my cramming for that, and looking presentable for class haha. 

一週間まで

There is only left one short week of school. I am quite sad that it's time to pack up my things and leave this beautiful and amazing city of San Francisco. I've have seen wonderful places and met wonderful, beautiful people here, I cannot wait to come back in a few short months. The past week has been like the ending to a terrible chick flick movie - in other words, it's been awesome! Now, I will concede, the heart-throb handsome boy is missing in the end my life as a movie, but it's alright. Christ is his stand in, and we don't mind if I admit it's far better that way.

I've been experiencing extreme favor in my classes, as the semester is winding down. At the beginning of the semester, I made a kind of promise to myself that I would try to get amazing grades in each course I took. With 16 units, that's not too hard, but I had no idea what I was up against, to be completely honest. I have to say this with all humility, but it was an honor to even come to SF State for me, with all of their budget cuts, funding of construction over education, and pretty bad food, I was nothing short of grateful to be here, and thus vowed to do my very best! While I won't know just yet if I got As in all my classes as planned ( I think I shot a B in 2 out the 5... I'll try again next semester), a lot of my classes have gone very well.

Let's talk Ballet! When I began this course, I was so scared I wouldn't be able to do it, even intimidated by my own body, because apparently it has potential, and I think I have good learning capabilities, but I would doubt myself more than anything in that class. On the last day, after I had taken my final, my wonderful instructor who has encouraged me, yelled at me, yelled at everyone including me, pulled my ankle a way I didn't think it was supposed to go, and taught my first lesson in ballet ever, asked me if I'd like to be placed in Dance 400 next semester.  4-0-0, gyah! I'm not even a dance major.
Now, she said specifically that she wants me to "give it a go" because she thinks I'm a good learner and she wants to push my ability. I didn't get placed into this class because I was good. If anything, I could be getting a terrible B+ in Dance 163, and just have shown average performance ( which I really think I did). For my professor to take it upon herself to allow me this opportunity continues to amaze me the more I think about it. I'm up to the challenge, and perhaps now, considering a minor in dance.

English has always been a strength, and I've never had a better teacher than D. Eidhin in my years of learning at a public school. Rosenberg and Benson, my humanities teachers at Providence Hall, and Mrs. Blackwell, my english teacher at Providence, will always be the best. But my professor this year is right up there with them, without a doubt. Thanks to his above and beyond magnificent work, I was exempt from writing the last essay for class and have swept all A+ grades on my essays making up 80% of my grade.

But enough about how great I think I am, I know I'm probably coming off terribly proud and self-obsessed, it's not my intention at all. I'm really grateful to my teachers for taking my eagerness to learn and making it a wonderful experience. Without them, I would not be dancing with majors and minors next year, and I wouldn't have done so well in English. These teachers have made a huge impact on my education, and they may not even know it, I should write them thank you cards. And tracing back, to the beginning of time, thank God for these teachers, thank God for SF State, thank God for this opportunity to learn and grow even more.

It goes beyond just my english and dance professors, my International Relations teacher was fantastic! I would recommend him to anyone who even has the tiniest of interest in world affairs. He took the mustard seed of interest I had in what was going on in the world, and taught me so much. I know how to watch the news now, and enjoy it, and understand it, and I feel so in tune with the world. I don't feel like an isolated girl from a small town. When people say, "Well there are kids starving in Africa," thanks to my IR teacher, and his insight, I can almost feel the gravity of that statement we use so loosely today in our society. Taking this class has pushed my heart for missions not just in Japan, but around the world. Though my IR teacher is not religious, he has opened my eyes to just how much good can be done, how much love and hope can be spread, how big the world is, and yet how small and within my reach it is as well.

My communications teacher opened my world in a similar way, and taught me how to understand people and stand for what I believe at the same time. This is something I think many Christians can have trouble with, and I feel as though she helped me develop the beginnings to being able to do that. She's also such a gorgeous person, strong and outspoken, with a huge heart for people who are abused and hurt. She possesses many qualities I hope to have as I grow into an adult.

Math is Math, Japanese is Japanese, we'll see how I do in these classes, they're the last two finals I have to go! I'm encouraged, and I'm so glad I'm here. I will miss this school terribly. I will miss San Francisco even more, and my community here following Jesus, and my church, and my friends, and the air, and rain. I will miss it all. But I will be back soon. I will be back, and with gratitude deep in my heart, I will do my best. 

良いニューズ

10 days in the waiting until I find out the important thing.

黙って聞きます。

The time is coming sooner and sooner for me to leave San Francisco for a short, hopefully short, three months. The summer is one it's way, and I'm getting a bit more excited about it the more I give it thought. My adventures in San Francisco are winding down for the time being, but I was able to squeeze in one more, to the Yerba Buena Gardens in downtown, just this Saturday with my great friend, Sarah. A lovely train ride down into the heart of the city, and past an array of tall buildings, you find a very posh looking  kind of stretch of grass in the midst of it all.

Yerba Buena! The sure sign of good time. 

We were first greeted by this funny little statue, in all of it's vibrancy. I feel like it's something I've seen before, and for those who know more about Yerba Buena than I do, please don't be offended, but it reminds me for whatever reason of the reading rainbow.

 When we turned the corner and walked up some steps past this garden, we were greeted by a sight that pulled together a nostalgic "spiderman"like feeling for me, a huge city, stretching out behind a sweet park. Coupled with the mild San Francisco sunshine and a cool breeze, I realized this was just a small but pure reason why I love this city oh so much.

Sarah and I meandered around the park for awhile, taking in the fresh sights and sounds from little trees to butterfly-preserving bushes, flowers,  bear tracks in the cement sidewalks, and little tiles speckled around the park with lovely oil paintings of rare species of insects and plants to learn about. I felt like a kid in an outdoor science museum. It's a nostalgic feeling I wish I could have thought to breathe in more deeply as a child, when faced with a small bit of nature amongst high rises.

You can see there is a church in this photo here too. Yes, we went inside! St. Patrick's Cathedral is a lovely place. I will admit I'm not usually one to just walk into an open church, let alone a Catholic church, seeing as I'm not Catholic. I just have this notion that somehow my presence would be of disturbance to others present. Nevertheless, with my fearless friend, we ventured inside. I was too scared to take pictures, but I was met with quite a beautiful sight.

Along the rows of benches ( are they called pews?) are statues of countless saints, including St. Patrick himself. Along the back part of the church a massive organ lined the walls, I wondered just how amazing it must have sounded being played. There were even, encased in glass, old manuscripts of the story of Christ, in Latin (which I could read a little bit of! Hurray for Latin class in high school!). I felt as though I were stepping into a place and time, welcoming and historical, like a traveling grandmother's home. The place had such detail from the stained glass windows depicting Peter, James, John, St. Patrick, and cities in Ireland. Sarah and I walked around a little, even sat down for a moment to just take in the details of this massive building. I left with a light step, and mutually light feeling.

On the other end of the gardens is a kid's place, which the name escapes me, but it is outlined in railings of hot orange, pink, purple, and yellow, and looks a ton of fun for any child under 10. There's even a carousel.

Where's Waldo? Can you see me? 

I enjoyed the excursion out to Yerba Buena, and plan to pack a lunch sometime in the future to enjoy on the lawns out there. It was a beautiful experience and I am truly moved by the amount of effort it must be to preserve a place as lovely as this amongst the pollution and high rises, the business and shopping malls. To know that deep in the city there is a place like a forest to come to, man, I could get used to San Francisco. 

Yerba Buena is certainly a place to say nothing, and hear.

  

作った物

Oh a Tuesday has never been so, comforting and excellent. I woke up this morning, and it was already 60ish degrees. I headed out with my good friend Leah to a coffee shop on Judah called Trouble Coffee Co.  This place is no bigger than the size of my side of the room I'm living in now, with a full espresso bar, no menu, and wooded countertops above comfy stools. This place breathes earth and modern vibes, I just loved it. I ordered the famed soy latte (famed according to yelp! that is) and tossed some cinnamon sugar on top. It was heavenly, to say the least. I have had many a soy latte in my life and have never had one as great as this one. It was the perfect atmosphere for good conversation.

The year is winding down, and it's hitting me harder than ever right now. I actually haven't even been in San Francisco for a year, and that may be why I feel the least ready to go back to Santa Barbara. I feel as though I just got here, and there are still so many sights and sounds, and tastes (oh the tastes!) to experience in this city. I am already missing the people I hang out with from Campus Crusade, the church I go to on Market Street, the MUNI, the clouds, the cool winds, and all the coffee... I will miss being a stranger, a new face without a past in this sea of hopes and passions and dreams and aspirations called San Francisco. I will miss being myself. Now, as I think through this, I have no doubt I will come to the realization that I am still myself no matter where I am. I'll just have to think through some things to believe that. It will take time. It will take time indeed.

Tonight was the last Bible Study meeting of the year, we all met at this cozy house out by a green hill, and had the best enchiladas ever. They literally reminded me of home! I have to give credit where credit is due and say that I brought dessert and made this: you eat it with your fingers. 
It was rather delicious. Tonight was just fantastic, from the food to the encouraging conversations, in the background of my mind there was this looming sense that I will not see these people for a very long time. Well, only three months. I know I'm going to miss everyone quite dearly. I've been so impacted by the lives of the people around me, and encouraged, and if anything, they have shown me through their lifestyles that God is real, and God is good.