１９歳の事

Time has passed so quickly, where have I been I wonder? Today it's my birthday. I feel different, which hardly ever happens. It did not happen last year, but maybe it is because I am twenty now? In Japan, I'm finally considered an adult. I feel like an adult, 18 is too young for me to feel that way just yet. Of course, I'm always my mom's little girl.

I haven't written here in a while, obviously. The past thirty days have been very fun for me. So here is a quick recap of the last few weeks I was nineteen.

Firstly, the week before my rather uneventful spring break, my best friend in the whole world, lovely Curtis came to San Francisco to visit me for a weekend. We had so much fun times together. It was quite rainy and cold through the weekend, except for our favorite day of the week - SUNDAY! We enjoyed going to Reality in San Francisco together, and then made our way to a sweet little cafe and bakery called Thorough Bread & Pastry out in the Castro District.

When we walked in we were welcome by a long window filled with sandwiches and so, so, so many desserts! It took us probably a good 15 minutes to decide what we wanted to try, because we had wanted to try everything. We finally settled on a safe choice and an adventurous one, the safe being a delicious cheesecake and the dangerous being a blackberry lemon mousse cake.

This is the most delicious cheese cake I have ever had in my life.
And I don't really like cheese cake.  So that is saying quite a bit. 

A short seg-way here, I am finding that my time in San Francisco has made me appreciate things like the deep and bitter bite of espresso mixed with the soft fleeting smoothness of whipped cream. Dark chocolate has stolen the heart of my taste buds quite too often, and so to quickly leave the deep warmth of my love of chocolate for  desserts of this calibre was of course a leap of faith. Nevertheless, it was certainly worth it! But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

We were seated outside in a teeny patio that resembled a messy back yard, though it was quite charming. We pulled up two chairs and set down our cute little order card on the table.  Yeah I got a tad gigglish over it, I'll admit.

The desserts and coffee we had was spectacular. I enjoyed it thoroughly amidst conversation about the Bible and the service we had just attended. The clouds and sun danced across the sky as we talked and enjoyed the amazing flavors to be found at the Thorough Bread & Pastry establishment. I love coffee and sweets on a Sunday afternoon with a best friend. 

This is Curtis' lemon blackberry mousse cake. 

Just this past Sunday, I ran out to the Cherry Blossom Festival in Japan town, San Francisco. I had been talking with my pen pal, Hitoshi, about Cherry Blossom Festivals and he was saying some in Japan have been cancelled because of the tsunami, earthquakes, and nuclear crisis. When I was younger I always dreamt of spending my birthday in Japan one day, and how beautiful it would look outside, and just the celebration of the beginning of spring all around. I was sad to hear that this year Japanese will not be able to celebrate as they usually do. I was determined to take as many photos as I could for Hitoshi.

I wasn't too sure how the festival worked, as it was a kind of last minute resolution, but I walked from church to the train station, and rode further into town, stumbling awe struck on Van Ness street. Van Ness is where the SF Symphony hall is, the SF Ballet, City Hall, everything - it is the most beautiful place I have ever seen, gleaming with gold in the fleeting sunlight and standing tall in grey glory. I was so breathless walking through, but lucky me, the pace I was taking brought my little feet right to the parade I had no idea was taking place a few blocks away from Japan town.

There were men with huge cameras everywhere. I wished for a moment Curtis was one of them. I pulled out my cell phone and captured what I could, maneuvering through the crowds, following the parade from the end to the beginning where it all pooled into a large outdoor concert with food vendors as far as my eyes could see.

Here is a group of Buddhist church goers dancing
and singing together down the road.
Their smiles could be seen from a mile away. 

 The parade started just a few short blocks down the street from Japan town, and the streets were lined just like they are in Santa Barbara on Memorial Day with chairs and people watching from their balconies in the apartment complex just outside the town. Many were dressed in kimono and yukata, waving fans and taking countless photos. 

The Japan Airlines Representative walked through peaceably, holding a huge sign that reads "Do Your Best Japan" and another saying "Pray for Japan" and waving flags, shouting, "Ganbarou Nihon! (Do your best, Japan!)" This was probably the most emotional part of the festival for many of us who were there, we all raised our hands up and shouted with them as they walked by.

Japan Air Lines Representatives hold a sign saying 'Do Your Best, Japan!' 

The Hime-Sama of Japan Airlines. They all wore elaborate kimono
and little crowns. They looked just like princesses! 

I followed the Taiko Drummers! There were so many of them making a beautiful song on the moving float. How they do it, I have no idea. People of all ethnicities were on this float, it was beautiful to see everyone working together to bring together a spirit of happiness and joy for all the people in the festival. 

It was a beautiful day in Japan town, the sun was out and a cool breeze blew the cherry blossoms all around us. 

Another, though unprecedented fun thing about the Cherry Blossom
Festival in Japantown are the cosplayers everywhere!
I took this picture for my baby brother. 

 I spent a good three hours in Japan town just taking in all of the sights and sounds of the festival. There was so much to see, and many shops to visit. There's even a new cup cake place called Cako that specializes in adorable cupcakes.

Among the many stands there were also many places selling handmade items like bags and jewelry for Japan Relief Fund. It came as no surprise to me, but it's like my roommate says, there is a lot being done even here in San Francisco to help Japan. I am so glad.

Out of all of this, it was very hard to find a picture of some real cherry blossoms. Thank fully we have some growing at SF State, I'll be sure to send Hitoshi a photo as soon as I can.

I'm very excited because today is my birthday, and I get to go to Bible Study with my friends. I'm also bringing them a surprise I bought in Japan town that we can all share together. So far being 20 years old has been strange and new to me. I almost don't know what to do. There is a mall near by, maybe I'll see what I can get for free?  Haha!

All in all, I'm just so grateful to be alive for another year. I'm excited to see where God leads me this year, and time is starting to pick up so quickly, it's crazy. I feel like just  yesterday I was nineteen, opening a box from Curtis with a present inside back in Santa Barbara. Now I'm here in San Francisco, the scenery changed. It's beautiful. I'm happy.

主イエスは日本が愛する

Today I was invited by a few of my leaders to share the Gospel with students on campus. I was so excited and nervous, but once I got there, the excitement really took over. I didn't do much sharing today, but watched how my leaders and peers did it, and it really stirred up a passion in my heart for the lost. 


While sharing God's love with students on campus today, I got to sign a poster for Japan, while they are still so deep in crisis, and someone from Japanese Student Association gave me this cute paper crane. I wrote in Japanese "Christ loves Japan", I hope a Japanese person somewhere feels this love, I hope for that more than anything.


My heart still aches for them, I was able to get through these past two weeks by focusing on my studies and telling myself, "I have to work hard to be a better speaker in Japanese and know how to write and interact, that is why I am here, so I can go there when I have learned so much, when I am ready." Yet, deep down, it hurts. I realize that their spiritual deficit is what was hurting me most. I hope I can share the Gospel with them. I want that more than anything in this life. 

  But you, O God, are both tender and kind,
      not easily angered, immense in love...
 

クッキーと涙 Cookies and Tears

Yesterday at SF State one of the first short-term campaigns to raise money for Japan was launched: Cookies for Japan was a wonderful success, bringing in over $150 for earthquake and tsunami relief in Japan! It was a wonderful experience to be able to do something for a country that can be so easily forgotten, but that God cares for nonetheless. This fundraiser was one very close to my heart- I'm so happy people were open to donate. And of course, I took a lot of pictures.

So my roommates were all so supportive when I found out about what had happened in Japan almost a week ago, and one of them brought up my deep motivation to do something for Japan with one of the girls in my housing building's council named Georgina. She was so full of enthusiasm and life for the program, it was more than enough support to put on a whole fundraiser. She and I were able to work together to get a donation event underway on Friday night. I was so glad that there was something I was able to do as soon as possible.

She was wonderful and drew this flyer herself for the fundraiser.

 In a short matter of days we had flyers for the event, and were even able to get together with a bigger charity called SF <SUPPORTS3 JAPAN Charity Fund that is raising money all over the city for earthquake and tsunami relief in Japan.
 

The weekend passed by very quickly, and Tuesday, the day before the fundraiser rolled around very quickly. I headed over to her place to help bake cookies and was greeted in the hallway by the smell of fresh lemon bars, and this magnificent sign. My heart was touched by her call for support to anyone who was willing to help out with the cause, as small of a group as we were. There was a number of people who showed up to support and help bake all across the buildings. We even had time to paint windows for the cause. 

The day of the Fundraiser, I was nervous, but as we started laying out all the different desserts we had prepared, I got very excited about watching them go... 

A very sweet girl in our building baked 40 vegan muffins with fresh bananas!

These are our Japanese Flag cookies, with raspberries. They were a serious hit!

Lemon Bars, classic, delicious.

Very delicious chocolate chip cookies. 

 From 11am to 1pm on Wednesday, we gave away cookies and thanked a countless number of folks who stepped up to donate to the cause. I was honestly blown away by people's generosity and their condolences to Japan. People out there do really care about you, Japan. :)

The best part of this whole fundraiser was meeting a sweet girl named Chako just this afternoon, who works as a representative for the SF Supports JAPAN Fund, and turning in the donation money to her. She sent me a photo via text mail only a short hour later, showing our money had made it to the Fund Account and was headed to the Red Cross as planned.
In her message she wrote that we were the first organization (though we weren't much of an organization at all) to donate to the fund for Japan.

It wasn't being first, or even that we raised more money than we had expected, that brought me joy. Just the fact that from here, from San Francisco, I was able to help Japan. I really do owe it to my roommate for asking Georgina to help me, and to the wonderful people at the SF Supports JAPAN Fund who worked so quickly with me. I felt I was swept off my feet in ways only God could make possible.

For myself, I wasn't able to truly express my heart for Japan through this fundraiser. My actions came from a much deeper place, but it's okay if no one knows that. I am more than grateful for my friends at City Cru, though, who were able to understand where I was coming from, that deeper place in my heart. I sometimes don't know why God would make Japan the consistent thing in my life, or that He would give me such strong emotions and compassion for a nation miles away from here. But the why will soon be figured out, and sometimes I feel like I have figured it out, but other times, I get discouraged. It's hard to explain... Hopefully it won't always be that way.

I was glad to be able to sit around a group of supportive friends and pray for Japan and know that the love and compassion God feels for Japan was nearly tangible in the room. That it wasn't trapped in a bottle in my ribcage, but that it was all around me. I would like to imagine that is how it is in Japan right now - that is the one thing I hope for, of course alongside the physical need of the people in Japan being met, that the love and compassion God feels for them would be like a fog in the air. There isnt' anything I want more than that.

日本のために祈りなさい。

For the past three days, my mind has been fogged in with news reports, photos and videos of destruction, and sheer, utter, disbelief of the horror that befell Japan on March 11, 2011. With prayers, getting involved in donation events, and doing a lot of talking to my friends, I have emerged from the dark tunnel, with a Twitter account. Why??

Since Friday morning I've been keeping in contact with my pen pal, Hitoshi, whose birthday I just recently mentioned. I was so relieved when he emailed me to tell me that he was okay, Yokohama was okay, and that means Chiba is also okay, where another good friend of mine lives. "But" he said, "Northern Japan has undergone severe damages."

My friends are alright, my host family, my church, they are alright. But there are so many numbers. When I think on the thousands of people who are displaced, or the millions without power or water, or the countless missing or dead, even if everything close to me is alright, the country closest to my heart is not, and that hurts more than anything else.

Having taken days to process this catastrophe, I feel that I can write clearly, with deep emotion, but with less anger and frustration that I expressed at 8am on March 11th in front of the television, with tears I was even shocked at how many tears I cried throughout that day.

The physical devastation of Japan is heart breaking to me. Ever since I visited that country, my heart felt at home there, and no where else could do. I have made friends in the country, and have bonded through sharing my limited knowledge of the language with those willing to do so much as to communicate with me. I have exhausted the patience of my Japanese instructors, my pen pals, even my language exchange friends. I never thought I'd be preparing myself to go to a country that is now facing something unlike anything they have faced in over 100 years. From the deepest part of my heart that loves in a way that I don't understand, Japan, my prayers are for you.

The spiritual devastation of Japan has always been around, which makes this so much more difficult for me to sit by and listen to people say, "Oh it's just so sad, what happened in Japan." or coin the empty phrase, "Please pray for Japan." then go on to the next subject. It hurts.

Japan, for many years has been less than 1% Christian, and with countless lives lost, I do not even want to imagine the ratio of believers who died to those who never heard the gospel. Just because a country is economically advanced doesn't mean they've heard of the love of God. In America, where the church has been a fundamental part of our particular generation, for many of us while we were children, it is not the same in other countries, such as Japan. A religious indifference has caused prayer requests for the nation of Japan for many years, and now, coupled with earthquakes and tsunamis, nuclear radiation, and thousands suffering, it just makes the for the worst possible picture I could ever imagine. From the deepest part of my heart that loves in a way that I don't understand, Japan, my prayers are for you.

I'm not going to say that all that I've said makes me better than anyone else, I'm humbly stating my feelings, and saying that their extent reaches far beyond what I can handle some times. I'll admit this keeps me up at night, but giving it to God has worked for me, because He cares more than I am capable to, for me, and for Japan. It is my deepest desire that this situation would bring many to Jesus, that people would experience miraculous rescues, and that those suffering in displacement, without power, or without water, would be helped. I want that more than anything else.

Hitoshi, my pen pal, and I, would write at the end of our emails to each other back and forth over this weekend - Nihon wa tsuyoi des, meaning Japan is Strong! The nation is pulling together in unity to help as many people as possible, and I pray for God's grace to be with them, because His grace is enough, and in their weakness, they will be strong.

(2Corinthians 12:1-9) 

歩く友達

I woke up this morning with a text from a friend, Sarah, whom I met at Bible Study, we decided to go for a long walk in downtown San Francisco. We went to many places, and I took many pictures. We visited China Town, Little Italy, the Embarcadero, Pier 39, and Union Square, piddled around on Market Street, it was a great time.

Here are some of the fun photos I took.

Before we set out I took a photo of some daisies. I've been meaning to get a good shot of them, with my cellular camera, to send a very special card to someone in the near future. You know, mushy stuff. 

First stop was China town. I absolutely loved the area. It's busy and full of countless markets selling a variety of different things. My sense of smell was tickled, from the scent of fresh herbs on one block, to the waft of warm cinnamon on the next. The sidewalks and half the street was filled with people trying to get by. There were shops selling fine coins and jewelry of jade and gold, DVDs and CD stores, clothing, everything. I felt displaced in a way, but it was a nice feeling, as though I'd stepped into China itself, for a short moment in time.

Out of the many sights and sounds, smells and feelings of China town that I encountered, this stood out to me as the most beautiful. It's a mural dedicated to a particular young person and the many Chinese who strived to make America their home. The mural, as you can see, is painted on the outside of an apartment building, it's so inspiring.

We found Little Italy just in time, as the weather was starting to cool and a fog was rolling in. Across the streets are countless little cafes and trattorias, each having own special and unique atmosphere that draws you in from the sidewalks. 

I think I've seen this place on TV or something...

It's hard to see, but this cathedral is pink and white, it was so darling, like a little girl's castle.

From there, we walked through a lovely suburban area and hit the waterfront. I've never been to Pier 39, so it just seemed natural to explore a little bit of the tourist-y sides of San Francisco. 

  All in all, it was a very fun trip. I hope to get out and explore more of San Francisco soon. :) 

私達の罪と神様の愛

And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished, as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us - Romans 8:4b


Every week I've been going to Campus Crusade's D-Lab on campus with some friends of mine and tonight we talked about sin and redemption. The latter half of Romans 8:4 stood out to me so much, it just kind of resonated with my life. I have the feeling that I want to tell the story of how Jesus showed me His perfect love, when I hear the words in that verse. 


All my life, I found it so hard to truly grasp the meaning of Jesus' redemption, and the fact that He has forgiven me of my sins. I couldn't understand this because my life hadn't been transformed by the love of God yet. I found myself in a vicious cycle, for years, of feeling empty, falling into sin, asking God to forgive me, and feeling empty again. I knew something was wrong, because isn't it supposed to be that when I'm a Christian, I don't feel that gnawing emptiness? I knew something was wrong, I didn't know how to fix it. So I went through life, as a Christian girl, experiencing different highs from the Lord, what I call "the Hand of God on my life", but I was missing out on "the Heart of God". 


I  thought I started to realize that the love of God had to be deeper than I knew when I became interested in serving Him in Japan. But I hadn't seen anything even then. I would have to say that understanding the grace of God didn't happen to me until a few months ago. Wild, isn't it? My best friend who I'm in love with, and I had been dating for about a year and a half, and as believers, we were striving to be what some would call a "good Christian young couple". We had our rules and regulations with each other. We made all of these promises to each other, ourselves, the Lord, we said, "We're going to do this right." We thought we were so mature for taking that step. We didn't understand anything then... We found our relationship failing, from the smallest things to even bigger things that wound up as unforgettable regrets, all the while striving to be good, all the while having the best of intentions. 


And while all of this was going on, I could feel a pull in my heart from the Lord, and I know he could too. Things turned around for us one night at a college youth group at our church. We were running late, we had just ate the hugest burritos ever, and at least I was just ready to crash for the night. But thank God we went to youth group that night. The speaker shared with us about his time doing missions across the world, and his experiences with trusting God and just how God took such good care of him as he cared for others. By the end of his speech, my stomach was in knots. It was so much so, because I didn't understand... what would possess a man to leave everything, and with no money, not knowing where he'd sleep next, go and care for orphans in Thailand, and pray for healing of disease in Indonesia? 


I looked at my best friend whom I love, and could see he was feeling the same thing too. We didn't know God any more. We thought we did, but we didn't. We were, just as the verse calls it, "redoubling our efforts" to reach the Lord. But God was right in front of us, the whole time.  At that moment, I felt like I was understanding what the true meaning of love was. I could look in to the eyes of my best friend whom I love and see the miracles that God had placed in our lives. Besides each other, He preserved our relationship, and when we asked Him to forgive us and hold us in His hands, He did without fail. We just did not see it, as it was happening. And how undeserving we were of the grace of God. 


When we first started dating, and realized that things were serious between us, we made all of these plans, to live in a nice loft in the city and to both have good jobs (which, when I didn't get started on college as quickly as he did made me lose sleep at night), and make a lot of money, and never be in debt like our parents, and not have kids so quickly, and the list goes on and on of things that were good, but just self-centered. We were so caught up in our wants and desires we made those things the basis of our relationship. And countless times I could look under us and see that foundation crumbling. That night, at the college group, the foundation was rebuilt with Christ. And there we were, two kids, with an insatiable longing for God. We didn't need each other to be happy, we didn't need money, we didn't need the perfect lives. We just wanted Jesus. 

From there, we had to make a decision, not to just be good, to follow rules, to try any more to attain righteousness or be the perfect Christian couple. We had to decide (simply, it seems now) to choose Jesus. We had to choose Jesus as the first and most important person in our lives. We had to choose to love Jesus more than we loved each other. I’ve never felt in my life repentance so real. This decision did not just save my relationship, it saved my very life. 

I am so overwhelmed by the love and grace of God, I know I am completely different person than I was before. Every day Jesus teaches me something new and wonderful about following Him. His love for me, I know, is deeper than any love I could receive from anyone else, and so He wins my whole heart. And following Jesus can be scary. I thought once my best friend and were on the same page that we just wanted to serve Jesus together, we were good. My best friend shared with me how God gave him a heart to give to the needy everything he had. I was so encouraged that we were both being led by the Lord to serve. Then I had to ask myself what would happen if we had to part ways and serve God without each other, would we do it? If God asked us to?  I answer with 2John 1:6, it says [paraphrased] - This is true love, to follow Jesus. 

I know I'm speaking a lot about my relationship, but I want to express that this transformation has been just as much if not more individual as well. I can say without a doubt, Jesus is my happiness, and even though I will probably never know everything, that's okay. That's a part of being a Christian, I think, just following Jesus, when it's scary, and when it's fun. In essence, I have learned something that I couldn't understand for so long in my life:


That there is nothing I could do to deserve the love of Christ, but He wanted me. 

Jesus has shown me this in so many ways, mainly be giving His life for me, and it just makes me head over heels for Him. I just don't know how else to say that living a Godly life doesn't come from always doing things right, it comes from experiencing Jesus. When you have experienced Jesus, you'll know it, because everything around you changes drastically, and you're just never the same. Now that I've experienced Christ, I don't feel this obligation to resist sin, I want to resist sin because I would hate for anything to get in the way of my relationship with Christ. But I know that even when I do miss the mark, Jesus is waiting right there for me, with arms wide open, redemption in both hands. 

主イエスは私の幸せなんです。The Lord Jesus is my Happiness. 

雨に泣いていた。♥

It's a lovely Saturday evening, and I've just arrived back home from a fun little excursion out to a place known as Taraval street. I sought out a sweet little coffee shop called Greenhouse Cafe  a few blocks down from the bus stop. Greenhouse spoke to my expectations quite well. As it was pouring rain, I couldn't get get the mental picture out of my mind of me sitting with a hot beverage cradled in my hands, perched on a cozy stool or chair, gazing out the window into the city. From the moment I walked in, I knew this would be a place I'd be coming back to often.

There's a great selection of specialty hot and cool drinks,
 jars upon countless jars of loose leaf tea, and french press coffee always. 

Greenhouse reminds me of a little forest, with beautiful wooded fixtures, flowers, and artwork hung up on the walls. It's a nature-y play on a modern coffee house. It has a comfortable atmosphere, and free wifi! But on a more personal note, what isn't to love about a myriad of specialty drinks, some which I've never even heard of like Authentic Hong Kong Milk Tea or a Korean Citron, and of course, what I'm crazy about right now, the Mexican Hot Chocolate.

Mexican Hot Chocolate. yum

 I ordered that Mexican Hot Chocolate, of course, and a cucumber and herb cream cheese sandwich. While it's not the most dainty looking of sandwiches, it was quite satisfying, I actually couldn't finish it all. All of Greenhouse's sandwiches are prepared on a multigrain wheat or wheat sourdough. The sweetness of the bread with the crisp cucumber and savory cream cheese made for the perfect afternoon lunch.

Beyond the food, the atmosphere of Greenhouse cafe was spot on to my liking, with renditions of the classics  "They Can't Take That Away"  and "The Way You Look Tonight", sent me off into a whimsical state of thought, like I was in some kind of indie film, or a coffee shop in San Francisco. 

The second half of my excursion, was shopping for food to last me all the way to April.  I think it was successful, there was much spending, a little bit of price shock, a little bit of crying, and lots of walking in the rain with paper bags (much to my disappointment, not everything could fit in my Equatrade and Care bag). I had a hard time with spending $90.00 in one sitting, especially since the money isn't mine, but when the food went in my fridge and freezer and in the pantry, it made a lot more sense that I wouldn't be wanting for quite some time, and probably into the month of April as planned. Oh being a college student has it's great times and challenging times, but life is full of these things, and that is why life is beautiful. 

I was actually reading 1John this afternoon with my Mexican Hot Chocolate and Cucumber Sandwich. I am taking 1John really slowly, because to be honest I'm not sure if I understand it completely, or if it's just my translation that's tripping me up ( I have a Bible that's translated for Japanese, and so it's a play on the New King James, but has some different word choices.) but the fourth chapter's second half really stood out to me. 

The chapter talks about loving others, and how when we are loving toward each other, we know God, and when we know God, we know true love. It's just a complete full circle, that reminded me a lot of the serious relationship I'm in right now. It's a long story, that I'll save for another time, but I'm so happy to be in a Godly relationship with a young man who loves the Lord more than he loves me. 

What also came to my mind, though, is that even though in 1John, it makes the act of loving someone else seem easy, Jesus asks in one of the gospels, "What good is it to love your friends and hate your enemies?" Yipes! It's easy to love my boyfriend, it's easy to love my friends and my family, but what about the people I don't get along with? Food for thought, definitely. 

And lastly, because this is getting so long~ 

Earlier this week, I stumbled upon something that made me laugh - because I know this post is getting worse and worse as I continue, but I can't pass up this encouraging message from a childhood friend: 

... ain't it the truth.