And now what the law code asked for but we couldn't deliver is accomplished, as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us - Romans 8:4b
Every week I've been going to Campus Crusade's D-Lab on campus with some friends of mine and tonight we talked about sin and redemption. The latter half of Romans 8:4 stood out to me so much, it just kind of resonated with my life. I have the feeling that I want to tell the story of how Jesus showed me His perfect love, when I hear the words in that verse.
All my life, I found it so hard to truly grasp the meaning of Jesus' redemption, and the fact that He has forgiven me of my sins. I couldn't understand this because my life hadn't been transformed by the love of God yet. I found myself in a vicious cycle, for years, of feeling empty, falling into sin, asking God to forgive me, and feeling empty again. I knew something was wrong, because isn't it supposed to be that when I'm a Christian, I don't feel that gnawing emptiness? I knew something was wrong, I didn't know how to fix it. So I went through life, as a Christian girl, experiencing different highs from the Lord, what I call "the Hand of God on my life", but I was missing out on "the Heart of God".
I thought I started to realize that the love of God had to be deeper than I knew when I became interested in serving Him in Japan. But I hadn't seen anything even then. I would have to say that understanding the grace of God didn't happen to me until a few months ago. Wild, isn't it? My best friend who I'm in love with, and I had been dating for about a year and a half, and as believers, we were striving to be what some would call a "good Christian young couple". We had our rules and regulations with each other. We made all of these promises to each other, ourselves, the Lord, we said, "We're going to do this right." We thought we were so mature for taking that step. We didn't understand anything then... We found our relationship failing, from the smallest things to even bigger things that wound up as unforgettable regrets, all the while striving to be good, all the while having the best of intentions.
And while all of this was going on, I could feel a pull in my heart from the Lord, and I know he could too. Things turned around for us one night at a college youth group at our church. We were running late, we had just ate the hugest burritos ever, and at least I was just ready to crash for the night. But thank God we went to youth group that night. The speaker shared with us about his time doing missions across the world, and his experiences with trusting God and just how God took such good care of him as he cared for others. By the end of his speech, my stomach was in knots. It was so much so, because I didn't understand... what would possess a man to leave everything, and with no money, not knowing where he'd sleep next, go and care for orphans in Thailand, and pray for healing of disease in Indonesia?
I looked at my best friend whom I love, and could see he was feeling the same thing too. We didn't know God any more. We thought we did, but we didn't. We were, just as the verse calls it, "redoubling our efforts" to reach the Lord. But God was right in front of us, the whole time. At that moment, I felt like I was understanding what the true meaning of love was. I could look in to the eyes of my best friend whom I love and see the miracles that God had placed in our lives. Besides each other, He preserved our relationship, and when we asked Him to forgive us and hold us in His hands, He did without fail. We just did not see it, as it was happening. And how undeserving we were of the grace of God.
When we first started dating, and realized that things were serious between us, we made all of these plans, to live in a nice loft in the city and to both have good jobs (which, when I didn't get started on college as quickly as he did made me lose sleep at night), and make a lot of money, and never be in debt like our parents, and not have kids so quickly, and the list goes on and on of things that were good, but just self-centered. We were so caught up in our wants and desires we made those things the basis of our relationship. And countless times I could look under us and see that foundation crumbling. That night, at the college group, the foundation was rebuilt with Christ. And there we were, two kids, with an insatiable longing for God. We didn't need each other to be happy, we didn't need money, we didn't need the perfect lives. We just wanted Jesus.
Every week I've been going to Campus Crusade's D-Lab on campus with some friends of mine and tonight we talked about sin and redemption. The latter half of Romans 8:4 stood out to me so much, it just kind of resonated with my life. I have the feeling that I want to tell the story of how Jesus showed me His perfect love, when I hear the words in that verse.
All my life, I found it so hard to truly grasp the meaning of Jesus' redemption, and the fact that He has forgiven me of my sins. I couldn't understand this because my life hadn't been transformed by the love of God yet. I found myself in a vicious cycle, for years, of feeling empty, falling into sin, asking God to forgive me, and feeling empty again. I knew something was wrong, because isn't it supposed to be that when I'm a Christian, I don't feel that gnawing emptiness? I knew something was wrong, I didn't know how to fix it. So I went through life, as a Christian girl, experiencing different highs from the Lord, what I call "the Hand of God on my life", but I was missing out on "the Heart of God".
I thought I started to realize that the love of God had to be deeper than I knew when I became interested in serving Him in Japan. But I hadn't seen anything even then. I would have to say that understanding the grace of God didn't happen to me until a few months ago. Wild, isn't it? My best friend who I'm in love with, and I had been dating for about a year and a half, and as believers, we were striving to be what some would call a "good Christian young couple". We had our rules and regulations with each other. We made all of these promises to each other, ourselves, the Lord, we said, "We're going to do this right." We thought we were so mature for taking that step. We didn't understand anything then... We found our relationship failing, from the smallest things to even bigger things that wound up as unforgettable regrets, all the while striving to be good, all the while having the best of intentions.
And while all of this was going on, I could feel a pull in my heart from the Lord, and I know he could too. Things turned around for us one night at a college youth group at our church. We were running late, we had just ate the hugest burritos ever, and at least I was just ready to crash for the night. But thank God we went to youth group that night. The speaker shared with us about his time doing missions across the world, and his experiences with trusting God and just how God took such good care of him as he cared for others. By the end of his speech, my stomach was in knots. It was so much so, because I didn't understand... what would possess a man to leave everything, and with no money, not knowing where he'd sleep next, go and care for orphans in Thailand, and pray for healing of disease in Indonesia?
I looked at my best friend whom I love, and could see he was feeling the same thing too. We didn't know God any more. We thought we did, but we didn't. We were, just as the verse calls it, "redoubling our efforts" to reach the Lord. But God was right in front of us, the whole time. At that moment, I felt like I was understanding what the true meaning of love was. I could look in to the eyes of my best friend whom I love and see the miracles that God had placed in our lives. Besides each other, He preserved our relationship, and when we asked Him to forgive us and hold us in His hands, He did without fail. We just did not see it, as it was happening. And how undeserving we were of the grace of God.
When we first started dating, and realized that things were serious between us, we made all of these plans, to live in a nice loft in the city and to both have good jobs (which, when I didn't get started on college as quickly as he did made me lose sleep at night), and make a lot of money, and never be in debt like our parents, and not have kids so quickly, and the list goes on and on of things that were good, but just self-centered. We were so caught up in our wants and desires we made those things the basis of our relationship. And countless times I could look under us and see that foundation crumbling. That night, at the college group, the foundation was rebuilt with Christ. And there we were, two kids, with an insatiable longing for God. We didn't need each other to be happy, we didn't need money, we didn't need the perfect lives. We just wanted Jesus.
From there, we had to make a decision, not to just be good, to follow rules, to try any more to attain righteousness or be the perfect Christian couple. We had to decide (simply, it seems now) to choose Jesus. We had to choose Jesus as the first and most important person in our lives. We had to choose to love Jesus more than we loved each other. I’ve never felt in my life repentance so real. This decision did not just save my relationship, it saved my very life.
I am so overwhelmed by the love and grace of God, I know I am completely different person than I was before. Every day Jesus teaches me something new and wonderful about following Him. His love for me, I know, is deeper than any love I could receive from anyone else, and so He wins my whole heart. And following Jesus can be scary. I thought once my best friend and were on the same page that we just wanted to serve Jesus together, we were good. My best friend shared with me how God gave him a heart to give to the needy everything he had. I was so encouraged that we were both being led by the Lord to serve. Then I had to ask myself what would happen if we had to part ways and serve God without each other, would we do it? If God asked us to? I answer with 2John 1:6, it says [paraphrased] - This is true love, to follow Jesus.
I know I'm speaking a lot about my relationship, but I want to express that this transformation has been just as much if not more individual as well. I can say without a doubt, Jesus is my happiness, and even though I will probably never know everything, that's okay. That's a part of being a Christian, I think, just following Jesus, when it's scary, and when it's fun. In essence, I have learned something that I couldn't understand for so long in my life:
That there is nothing I could do to deserve the love of Christ, but He wanted me.
Jesus has shown me this in so many ways, mainly be giving His life for me, and it just makes me head over heels for Him. I just don't know how else to say that living a Godly life doesn't come from always doing things right, it comes from experiencing Jesus. When you have experienced Jesus, you'll know it, because everything around you changes drastically, and you're just never the same. Now that I've experienced Christ, I don't feel this obligation to resist sin, I want to resist sin because I would hate for anything to get in the way of my relationship with Christ. But I know that even when I do miss the mark, Jesus is waiting right there for me, with arms wide open, redemption in both hands.
That there is nothing I could do to deserve the love of Christ, but He wanted me.
Jesus has shown me this in so many ways, mainly be giving His life for me, and it just makes me head over heels for Him. I just don't know how else to say that living a Godly life doesn't come from always doing things right, it comes from experiencing Jesus. When you have experienced Jesus, you'll know it, because everything around you changes drastically, and you're just never the same. Now that I've experienced Christ, I don't feel this obligation to resist sin, I want to resist sin because I would hate for anything to get in the way of my relationship with Christ. But I know that even when I do miss the mark, Jesus is waiting right there for me, with arms wide open, redemption in both hands.
主イエスは私の幸せなんです。The Lord Jesus is my Happiness.
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